Colbert Cold Open Labels Jeff Bezos as ‘No Balls’ for Stopping WaPo’s Harris Endorsement

BURNETT The Washington Post ░░░░░░░░ in turmoil after the ░░░░░░░░ announced thee newspaper will ░░░░░░░░ endorse a candidate for ░░░░░░░░ president That s the ░░░░░░░░ time they have done ░░░░░░░░ in 36 years of ░░░░░░░░ elections Now the editorial ░░░░░░░░ has drafted the endorsement ░░░░░░░░ Kamala Harris before the ░░░░░░░░ was made but the ░░░░░░░░ came from the paper ░░░░░░░░ owner Amazon founder Jeff ░░░░░░░░ CAMEROTA Many staffers outraged ░░░░░░░░ that NARRATOR And now ░░░░░░░░ message from The Washington ░░░░░░░░ editorial staff UNKNOWN We ░░░░░░░░ at The Washington Post ░░░░░░░░ received a strict mandate ░░░░░░░░ to endorse either Donald ░░░░░░░░ or Kamala Harris FOR ░░░░░░░░ We believe you the ░░░░░░░░ can decide for yourself ░░░░░░░░ is THE BETTER CANDIDATE ░░░░░░░░ decision makes our paper ░░░░░░░░ SMARTER and one that ░░░░░░░░ undecided voters will be ░░░░░░░░ TO READ We believe ░░░░░░░░ attempting to persuade you ░░░░░░░░ a free election is ░░░░░░░░ DISHONEST and STUPID TINY ░░░░░░░░ Our owner Jeff Bezos ░░░░░░░░ simply taking us back ░░░░░░░░ our roots of hard ░░░░░░░░ news and comic strips ░░░░░░░░ Hagar the HORRIBLE DICK ░░░░░░░░ and Marmaduke the neutered ░░░░░░░░ Dane who has NO ░░░░░░░░