Colbert to Trump: It Would Be Fun to Be Chief of Staff of Your ‘Titanic’

RUSH TRANSCRIPT Colbert Just ░░░░░░░░ not into him And ░░░░░░░░ already had Kelly s ░░░░░░░░ picked out Mike Pence ░░░░░░░░ chief of staff and ░░░░░░░░ who s not going ░░░░░░░░ let those nerds hold ░░░░░░░░ luau on campus while ░░░░░░░░ s the president of ░░░░░░░░ phi epsilon Nick ayers ░░░░░░░░ had every quality Trump ░░░░░░░░ looking for Experience in ░░░░░░░░ White House political acumen ░░░░░░░░ most importantly With a ░░░░░░░░ of blond hair Mr ░░░░░░░░ somewhat resembles Mr Trump ░░░░░░░░ his younger days a ░░░░░░░░ that the president often ░░░░░░░░ for as a positive ░░░░░░░░ As Trump Oh wow ░░░░░░░░ s like looking in ░░░░░░░░ mirror You re going ░░░░░░░░ be a great skin ░░░░░░░░ I mean Chief of ░░░░░░░░ I mean staff of ░░░░░░░░ Laughter It was such ░░░░░░░░ done deal that Trump ░░░░░░░░ prepared a news release ░░░░░░░░ Mr Ayer s appointment ░░░░░░░░ ayers declined Trump s ░░░░░░░░ and according to one ░░░░░░░░ administration official this was ░░░░░░░░ humiliation for Mr Trump ░░░░░░░░ his adult children an ░░░░░░░░ that the president tries ░░░░░░░░ avoid at all costs ░░░░░░░░ and applause Applause And ░░░░░░░░ s not easy Have ░░░░░░░░ seen his adult children ░░░░░░░░ And it s not ░░░░░░░░ ayers Nobody seems to ░░░░░░░░ this job Some of ░░░░░░░░ names floated include Treasury ░░░░░░░░ Steve mnuchin who has ░░░░░░░░ pursued this job or ░░░░░░░░ ever considered himself for ░░░░░░░░ role and White House ░░░░░░░░ director Mick Mulvaney who ░░░░░░░░ uninterested It s like ░░░░░░░░ s trying to give ░░░░░░░░ rose away in The ░░░░░░░░ As Trump I hold ░░░░░░░░ my hands the final ░░░░░░░░ and I would be ░░░░░░░░ honored if you Stephanie ░░░░░░░░ no Okay Chloe I ░░░░░░░░ always right okay moving ░░░░░░░░ Anybody want this thing ░░░░░░░░ Harrison You want to ░░░░░░░░ your check for once ░░░░░░░░ The guy holding the ░░░░░░░░ mic you single Laughter ░░░░░░░░ riff So the president ░░░░░░░░ in desperate need of ░░░░░░░░ chief of staff with ░░░░░░░░ viable candidates Which is ░░░░░░░░ I d like to ░░░░░░░░ this opportunity to officially ░░░░░░░░ my hat in the ░░░░░░░░ Cheers and applause Piano ░░░░░░░░ Audience chanting Stephen I ░░░░░░░░ going to definitely do ░░░░░░░░ Jon You should do ░░░░░░░░ Stephen Mr President I ░░░░░░░░ Colbert am your next ░░░░░░░░ House chief of staff ░░░░░░░░ Will I be able ░░░░░░░░ control the no Will ░░░░░░░░ fight Yeah But I ░░░░░░░░ bring a steady hand ░░░░░░░░ a tumultuous West Wing ░░░░░░░░ no Laughter But no ░░░░░░░░ could Who cares And ░░░░░░░░ I don t agree ░░░░░░░░ the president s policies ░░░░░░░░ no this won t ░░░░░░░░ the country but I ░░░░░░░░ in my heart of ░░░░░░░░ that this could be ░░░░░░░░ for me Laughter It ░░░░░░░░ be fun Can I ░░░░░░░░ it It would be ░░░░░░░░ Who wouldn t pass ░░░░░░░░ the chance to spend ░░░░░░░░ minutes on the deck ░░░░░░░░ the titanic while it ░░░░░░░░ sinking I m really ░░░░░░░░ to hear what a ░░░░░░░░ sounds like when they ░░░░░░░░ they re about to ░░░░░░░░ the big bath.