Jon Stewart: Every Line in Trump’s Birthday Card ‘Sounds Like the Password You Use to Get into the Orgy in ‘Eyes Wide Shut’’

[Clip starts SCIUTTO A ░░░░░░░░ of small arcs denotes ░░░░░░░░ woman s breasts BLITZER ░░░░░░░░ the future president s ░░░░░░░░ is a squiggly Donald ░░░░░░░░ her waist mimicking pubic ░░░░░░░░ Clip ends Laughter STEWART ░░░░░░░░ hair oh my God ░░░░░░░░ broke Blitzer Pubic hair ░░░░░░░░ By the way not ░░░░░░░░ be the grammar police ░░░░░░░░ it s pubic hair ░░░░░░░░ pubic haaair Inflection What ░░░░░░░░ the deal with all ░░░░░░░░ curls Laughter Now a ░░░░░░░░ sending another billionaire a ░░░░░░░░ card with a playful ░░░░░░░░ cartoon isn t incriminating ░░░░░░░░ and of itself It ░░░░░░░░ really the creepiness of ░░░░░░░░ sentiments expressed Ladies and ░░░░░░░░ unfortunately our lead Meryl ░░░░░░░░ was unavailable tonight So ░░░░░░░░ tonight s creepy birthday ░░░░░░░░ please welcome ladies and ░░░░░░░░ Nicole Wallace Clip starts ░░░░░░░░ Voiceover There must be ░░░░░░░░ to life than having ░░░░░░░░ the note began Donald ░░░░░░░░ there is but I ░░░░░░░░ t tell you what ░░░░░░░░ is Jeffrey Nor will ░░░░░░░░ since I also know ░░░░░░░░ it is Donald We ░░░░░░░░ certain things in common ░░░░░░░░ Jeffrey Yes we do ░░░░░░░░ to think of it ░░░░░░░░ ends Laughter STEWART Things ░░░░░░░░ common It could be ░░░░░░░░ You could write all ░░░░░░░░ of things you have ░░░░░░░░ common inside the outline ░░░░░░░░ a naked woman We ░░░░░░░░ both gluten intolerant You ░░░░░░░░ prefer window seats on ░░░░░░░░ to private islands Oh ░░░░░░░░ I hope act 2 ░░░░░░░░ this play doesn t ░░░░░░░░ it worse Clip starts ░░░░░░░░ Donald Enigmas never age ░░░░░░░░ you noticed that Jeffrey ░░░░░░░░ a matter of fact ░░░░░░░░ was clear to me ░░░░░░░░ last time I saw ░░░░░░░░ Donald A pal is ░░░░░░░░ wonderful thing Happy birthday ░░░░░░░░ may every day be ░░░░░░░░ wonderful secret Clip ends ░░░░░░░░ reacts STEWART What did ░░░░░░░░ tell you Laughter Every ░░░░░░░░ is another wonderful secret ░░░░░░░░ f king threw up ░░░░░░░░ my own mouth on ░░░░░░░░ one I don t ░░░░░░░░ know what any of ░░░░░░░░ means but I do ░░░░░░░░ that every line in ░░░░░░░░ card sounds like the ░░░░░░░░ you have to use ░░░░░░░░ get into the orgy ░░░░░░░░ Eyes Wide Shut Donald ░░░░░░░░ have certain things in ░░░░░░░░ Jeffrey Enigmas never age ░░░░░░░░ right gentlemen come on ░░░░░░░░ and grab a mask ░░░░░░░░ gotta say that birthday ░░░░░░░░ how much must it ░░░░░░░░ sucked to be the ░░░░░░░░ guy in the office ░░░░░░░░ had to sign that ░░░░░░░░ birthday card You want ░░░░░░░░ to just you want ░░░░░░░░ to sign it right ░░░░░░░░ the pubic hair or ░░░░░░░░ by the little titties ░░░░░░░░ do you want I ░░░░░░░░ just going to write ░░░░░░░░ s to 50 more.’”