Colbert Mocks How Zimbabwe Became the First Country Caving to Tariffs: With GDP ‘Almost as Big’ as Poughkeepsie, NY

RUSH TRANSCRIPT Stephen no ░░░░░░░░ can t say it ░░░░░░░░ temporary and permanent It ░░░░░░░░ like being asked to ░░░░░░░░ heads or tails And ░░░░░░░░ I call coin But ░░░░░░░░ around noon the White ░░░░░░░░ confirmed that they will ░░░░░░░░ slapping a whopping 104 ░░░░░░░░ on China at midnight ░░░░░░░░ the market stepped on ░░░░░░░░ rake and then fell ░░░░░░░░ a mine shaft 104 ░░░░░░░░ tariffs are gonna make ░░░░░░░░ more expensive iphones laptops ░░░░░░░░ wonderful knock off toys ░░░░░░░░ can only find at ░░░░░░░░ gas station like new ░░░░░░░░ ninja tortoise traer fro ░░░░░░░░ and my personal favorite ░░░░░░░░ man look up in ░░░░░░░░ sky It s a ░░░░░░░░ It s a plane ░░░░░░░░ s a bird Special ░░░░░░░░ can t fly There ░░░░░░░░ is walking over here ░░░░░░░░ Naturally China is not ░░░░░░░░ Last night after these ░░░░░░░░ were proposed their ministry ░░░░░░░░ commerce said the U ░░░░░░░░ Threat to escalate tariffs ░░░░░░░░ China is a mistake ░░░░░░░░ top of a mistake ░░░░░░░░ it s also what ░░░░░░░░ s called when Don ░░░░░░░░ Gives Eric a piggyback ░░░░░░░░ Will the ministry of ░░░░░░░░ also Cheers and applause ░░░░░░░░ ministry of commerce also ░░░░░░░░ that China will never ░░░░░░░░ it Oh no We ░░░░░░░░ in a trade war ░░░░░░░░ China Save us special ░░░░░░░░ Now a lot of ░░░░░░░░ have been talking smack ░░░░░░░░ these tariffs but guess ░░░░░░░░ buttercup they re working ░░░░░░░░ we just learned Zimbabwe ░░░░░░░░ the first country to ░░░░░░░░ cave on Trump s ░░░░░░░░ Aw yeah That must ░░░░░░░░ been very exciting news ░░░░░░░░ Trump because it was ░░░░░░░░ the first time he ░░░░░░░░ heard of Zimbabwe Laughter ░░░░░░░░ great news we just ░░░░░░░░ a huge concession a ░░░░░░░░ concession really From the ░░░░░░░░ truck that cleans the ░░░░░░░░ at hockey games The ░░░░░░░░ I tell you what ░░░░░░░░ economic road is rough ░░░░░░░░ s going to smooth ░░░░░░░░ over In case you ░░░░░░░░ t know Zimbabwe has ░░░░░░░░ GDP of 35 billion ░░░░░░░░ a year That s ░░░░░░░░ as big as the ░░░░░░░░ metropolitan area of Poughkeepsie ░░░░░░░░ York Which is say ░░░░░░░░ with me The 6th ░░░░░░░░ economy in the state ░░░░░░░░ New York Why didn ░░░░░░░░ you say it with ░░░░░░░░ Trump s team has ░░░░░░░░ all over TV trying ░░░░░░░░ sell his incoherent tariffs ░░░░░░░░ commerce secretary howard lutnick ░░░░░░░░ went on the CBS ░░░░░░░░ face and explained that ░░░░░░░░ factories are coming back ░░░░░░░░ America with one small ░░░░░░░░ Remember the army of ░░░░░░░░ and millions of human ░░░░░░░░ screaming and little screws ░░░░░░░░ make iphones that thing ░░░░░░░░ come to America and ░░░░░░░░ automated It is automated ░░░░░░░░ automated factories Stephen wait ░░░░░░░░ second so your theory ░░░░░░░░ We ll get our ░░░░░░░░ back but they ll ░░░░░░░░ have jobs for robots ░░░░░░░░ you ll be broke ░░░░░░░░ at least your roomba ░░░░░░░░ afford to send its ░░░░░░░░ to college Think of ░░░░░░░░ little roombinos We ve ░░░░░░░░ been hearing from Trump ░░░░░░░░ Treasury secretary and sample ░░░░░░░░ in the window at ░░░░░░░░ mortuary Scott Bessent Bessent ░░░░░░░░ a message for folks ░░░░░░░░ about their retirement accounts ░░░░░░░░ you re not What ░░░░░░░░ your message to Americans ░░░░░░░░ want to retire right ░░░░░░░░ and who have just ░░░░░░░░ their lifetime savings drop ░░░░░░░░ Well kristen I think ░░░░░░░░ s a false narrative ░░░░░░░░ who want to retire ░░░░░░░░ now Americans who have ░░░░░░░░ away for years in ░░░░░░░░ savings accounts I I ░░░░░░░░ they don t look ░░░░░░░░ the day to day ░░░░░░░░ of what s happening ░░░░░░░░ have you met seniors ░░░░░░░░ only thing they pay ░░░░░░░░ attention to than their ░░░░░░░░ savings is the weather ░░░░░░░░ you’ live.