Colbert: China, If You Want a Trade War, ‘the Gloves Are Off — Because You Make the Gloves and We Can’t Afford Them Anymore’

COLBERT Today the Dow ░░░░░░░░ another 350 points down ░░░░░░░░ top of losing nearly ░░░░░░░░ 000 points in the ░░░░░░░░ two days of last ░░░░░░░░ when the S P ░░░░░░░░ fell over 10 closing ░░░░░░░░ the market s worst ░░░░░░░░ since March 2020 when ░░░░░░░░ pandemic ripped through the ░░░░░░░░ economy Now there is ░░░░░░░░ silver lining This time ░░░░░░░░ there s no pandemic ░░░░░░░░ can safely scream straight ░░░░░░░░ each other s faces ░░░░░░░░ For one what was ░░░░░░░░ 10 00 A M ░░░░░░░░ like that For one ░░░░░░░░ shining moment this morning ░░░░░░░░ looked up Around 10 ░░░░░░░░ A M right the ░░░░░░░░ shot back into positive ░░░░░░░░ thanks to a tweet ░░░░░░░░ that White House Economic ░░░░░░░░ Kevin Hassett said Trump ░░░░░░░░ considering a 90 day ░░░░░░░░ in tariffs But the ░░░░░░░░ was not true and ░░░░░░░░ hour later the White ░░░░░░░░ issued a statement denying ░░░░░░░░ and the markets lost ░░░░░░░░ gains and returned to ░░░░░░░░ continued drop The up ░░░░░░░░ down continued all day ░░░░░░░░ Trump won t be ░░░░░░░░ until the Dow Jones ░░░░░░░░ like his signature Laughter ░░░░░░░░ Applause All of this ░░░░░░░░ of this turmoil has ░░░░░░░░ upset the Wall Street ░░░░░░░░ even the ones that ░░░░░░░░ Trump They re describing ░░░░░░░░ tariffs as worse than ░░░░░░░░ and reportedly for many ░░░░░░░░ this came as a ░░░░░░░░ A surprise He s ░░░░░░░░ talking about tariffs since ░░░░░░░░ 1980s In the campaign ░░░░░░░░ said tariff is the ░░░░░░░░ beautiful word in the ░░░░░░░░ language This is like ░░░░░░░░ Snoop Dogg and then ░░░░░░░░ I didn t know ░░░░░░░░ was gonna smoke weed ░░░░░░░░ day And what s ░░░░░░░░ Wait a second hold ░░░░░░░░ and sippin on gin ░░░░░░░░ juice In this economy ░░░░░░░░ big banky boys are ░░░░░░░░ out JPMorgan sent a ░░░░░░░░ to investors last week ░░░░░░░░ There will be blood ░░░░░░░░ forget was that movie ░░░░░░░░ a rom com I ░░░░░░░░ t remember Do not ░░░░░░░░ JP Morgan always talks ░░░░░░░░ 2007 film references The ░░░░░░░░ continued When it comes ░░░░░░░░ retirement savings this is ░░░░░░░░ country for old men ░░░░░░░░ our money is gone ░░░░░░░░ gone And to be ░░░░░░░░ this is superbad In ░░░░░░░░ Shrek 3 Cheering Some ░░░░░░░░ Some body Wall Street ░░░░░░░░ wants the president to ░░░░░░░░ his mind but he ░░░░░░░░ t have one On ░░░░░░░░ Trump re tweeted a ░░░░░░░░ with the caption Trump ░░░░░░░░ playing chess while everyone ░░░░░░░░ is playing checkers And ░░░░░░░░ linked to a video ░░░░░░░░ claimed Trump is crashing ░░░░░░░░ stock market but he ░░░░░░░░ doing it on purpose ░░░░░░░░ s a weird thing ░░░░░░░░ brag about Everyone s ░░░░░░░░ fun of me for ░░░░░░░░ my pants but joke ░░░░░░░░ on them I poop ░░░░░░░░ pants on purpose While ░░░░░░░░ else no folks listen ░░░░░░░░ Listen this is very ░░░░░░░░ While everyone else is ░░░░░░░░ checkers I m poopin ░░░░░░░░ pants That s how ░░░░░░░░ win by default They ░░░░░░░░ up and they leave ░░░░░░░░ D bring me a ░░░░░░░░ wipe On Air Force ░░░░░░░░ Trump said the market ░░░░░░░░ is just what America ░░░░░░░░ Clip starts Trump I ░░░░░░░░ t want anything to ░░░░░░░░ down but sometimes you ░░░░░░░░ to take medicine to ░░░░░░░░ something Clip ends COLBERT ░░░░░░░░ that s how medicine ░░░░░░░░ You take it and ░░░░░░░░ dies All dead Far ░░░░░░░░ pausing the tariffs this ░░░░░░░░ Trump tripled down threatening ░░░░░░░░ extra 50 tariff on ░░░░░░░░ which will raise the ░░░░░░░░ of everything we get ░░░░░░░░ China which I believe ░░░░░░░░ everything Trump did that ░░░░░░░░ on Friday China retaliated ░░░░░░░░ Trump s liberation day ░░░░░░░░ by slapping a 34 ░░░░░░░░ on U S goods ░░░░░░░░ if you want a ░░░░░░░░ war a trade war ░░░░░░░░ what you ll get ░░░░░░░░ gloves are off because ░░░░░░░░ make the gloves and ░░░░░░░░ can t afford them ░░░░░░░░ Okay That s how ░░░░░░░░ box right Trump responded ░░░░░░░░ China by posting If ░░░░░░░░ does not withdraw its ░░░░░░░░ increase above their already ░░░░░░░░ term trading abuses by ░░░░░░░░ April 8 2025 the ░░░░░░░░ States will impose additional ░░░░░░░░ on China of 50 ░░░░░░░░ April 9th Then he ░░░░░░░░ Thank you for your ░░░░░░░░ to this matter To ░░░░░░░░ matter That s an ░░░░░░░░ way to end a ░░░░░░░░ It s like getting ░░░░░░░░ letter from kidnappers Give ░░░░░░░░ 50 000 in unmarked ░░░░░░░░ or you ll never ░░░░░░░░ your husband again Have ░░░░░░░░ great weekend Stay sweet ░░░░░░░░ and Applause)