Colbert on RFK Jr. Endorsing Trump: ‘This Thanksgiving, Your Crazy Uncle and Racist Uncle Will Have Plenty to Bond Over’

COLBERT I do this ░░░░░░░░ they do that Sometimes ░░░░░░░░ and like that It ░░░░░░░░ the most brilliant thing ░░░░░░░░ English professors then they ░░░░░░░░ up on the desk ░░░░░░░░ they say O captain ░░░░░░░░ captain And at first ░░░░░░░░ and Ethan Hawke are ░░░░░░░░ of rebels We don ░░░░░░░░ want to do the ░░░░░░░░ but in the end ░░░░░░░░ really like Robin Williams ░░░░░░░░ miss you Mork Nanu ░░░░░░░░ Mrs Doubtfire Good Morning ░░░░░░░░ Night at the Museum ░░░░░░░░ Acclimented and we re ░░░░░░░░ It s the weave ░░░░░░░░ s the weave Like ░░░░░░░░ then we weave There ░░░░░░░░ go Cheering and Applause ░░░░░░░░ s rambly campaign got ░░░░░░░░ little gift while we ░░░░░░░░ off because right after ░░░░░░░░ DNC RFK Jr Suspended ░░░░░░░░ presidential campaign and endorsed ░░░░░░░░ former president Which means ░░░░░░░░ Thanksgiving your crazy uncle ░░░░░░░░ your racist uncle will ░░░░░░░░ plenty to bond over ░░░░░░░░ This could be good ░░░░░░░░ Trump He s been ░░░░░░░░ of being weird but ░░░░░░░░ he s got the ░░░░░░░░ of the very normal ░░░░░░░░ jr who has spent ░░░░░░░░ past year bragging about ░░░░░░░░ freezer full of roadkill ░░░░░░░░ training ravens suggesting Covid ░░░░░░░░ designed to spare Jewish ░░░░░░░░ Chinese people denying that ░░░░░░░░ ate a dog admitting ░░░░░░░░ dumped a dead bear ░░░░░░░░ Central Park and announcing ░░░░░░░░ a worm got into ░░░░░░░░ brain and ate a ░░░░░░░░ of it Now you ░░░░░░░░ say Steve that s ░░░░░░░░ lot of weird stuff ░░░░░░░░ dead animals And I ░░░░░░░░ say here s another ░░░░░░░░ Because we just learned ░░░░░░░░ once sawed the head ░░░░░░░░ a whale and drove ░░░░░░░░ home Reminds me of ░░░░░░░░ opening line of Moby ░░░░░░░░ What the bleep Cheering ░░░░░░░░ Applause This whale head ░░░░░░░░ is from a newly ░░░░░░░░ interview with RFK Jr ░░░░░░░░ daughter Kick Kennedy in ░░░░░░░░ she describes a family ░░░░░░░░ to Hyannis Port where ░░░░░░░░ learning that a whale ░░░░░░░░ washed ashore her dad ░░░░░░░░ bounded down to the ░░░░░░░░ chainsaw in hand and ░░░░░░░░ it then and there ░░░░░░░░ strapping the beast s ░░░░░░░░ to the family minivan ░░░░░░░░ a bungee cord so ░░░░░░░░ could study it at ░░░░░░░░ later Not a good ░░░░░░░░ when the least unhinged ░░░░░░░░ of a sentence is ░░░░░░░░ bounded down to the ░░░░░░░░ chainsaw in hand Kennedy ░░░░░░░░ daughter explained that her ░░░░░░░░ strapped the whale noggin ░░░░░░░░ the top of his ░░░░░░░░ and toodled it home ░░░░░░░░ the street right Wrong ░░░░░░░░ stayed up there for ░░░░░░░░ five hour journey from ░░░░░░░░ Cape to Mount Kisco ░░░░░░░░ York Explains the bumper ░░░░░░░░ on Bobby jr s ░░░░░░░░ If this van s ░░░░░░░░ rockin it s because ░░░░░░░░ didn t use enough ░░░░░░░░ cords to secure the ░░░░░░░░ whale s head Now ░░░░░░░░ some reason the windows ░░░░░░░░ the car for this ░░░░░░░░ hour trip were not ░░░░░░░░ up Maybe the bungee ░░░░░░░░ got in the way ░░░░░░░░ proved to be a ░░░░░░░░ because as his daughter ░░░░░░░░ Every time we accelerated ░░░░░░░░ the highway whale juice ░░░░░░░░ pour into the windows ░░░░░░░░ the car First of ░░░░░░░░ whale juice There s ░░░░░░░░ word for that it ░░░░░░░░ called blood You never ░░░░░░░░ a doctor end a ░░░░░░░░ by saying All right ░░░░░░░░ s head down to ░░░░░░░░ lab so I can ░░░░░░░░ some man juice get ░░░░░░░░ de juiced To protect ░░░░░░░░ from the skull runoff ░░░░░░░░ s daughter explained We ░░░░░░░░ had plastic bags over ░░░░░░░░ heads with mouth holes ░░░░░░░░ out Okay that sounds ░░░░░░░░ but it is the ░░░░░░░░ way to make sure ░░░░░░░░ the rotting whale juice ░░░░░░░░ goes in your mouth.”