Colbert on Trump Indictments: ‘April Trials Bring Me Smiles’

COLBERT Folks forget the ░░░░░░░░ saying April showers brings ░░░░░░░░ flowers cause from now ░░░░░░░░ it s April trials ░░░░░░░░ me smiles Cheering and ░░░░░░░░ Because how many left ░░░░░░░░ charges left Okay despite ░░░░░░░░ far despite 88 criminal ░░░░░░░░ Donald Trump has faced ░░░░░░░░ consequences It s been ░░░░░░░░ delay after another But ░░░░░░░░ boos Exactly But that ░░░░░░░░ about to end Because ░░░░░░░░ here in New York ░░░░░░░░ the hush money case ░░░░░░░░ judge won t delay ░░░░░░░░ s criminal trial to ░░░░░░░░ for an immunity ruling ░░░░░░░░ and Applause Let s ░░░░░░░░ The best part is ░░░░░░░░ s a criminal trial ░░░░░░░░ Trump has to be ░░░░░░░░ every day Starting April ░░░░░░░░ we get to see ░░░░░░░░ Trump having to see ░░░░░░░░ Daniels testify about having ░░░░░░░░ see Donald Trump naked ░░░░░░░░ Ugh Your Honor for ░░░░░░░░ that will soon be ░░░░░░░░ too apparent following her ░░░░░░░░ I d like to ░░░░░░░░ into evidence this baby ░░░░░░░░ mushroom Laughter If you ░░░░░░░░ what I m talking ░░░░░░░░ I don t know ░░░░░░░░ you noticed but thanks ░░░░░░░░ Trump our politics are ░░░░░░░░ just a tad heated ░░░░░░░░ fact a new PBS ░░░░░░░░ NPR Marist Starbucks Eggbites ░░░░░░░░ found that 1 in ░░░░░░░░ Americans think violence may ░░░░░░░░ U S divisions When ░░░░░░░░ for comment 1 in ░░░░░░░░ Americans said You wanna ░░░░░░░░ bruh You got a ░░░░░░░░ cause we can settle ░░░░░░░░ right outside with some ░░░░░░░░ thai Personally I Stephen ░░░░░░░░ stand with the majority ░░░░░░░░ 4 out of 5 ░░░░░░░░ who choose non violence ░░░░░░░░ I proudly say I ░░░░░░░░ say Applause Sure I ░░░░░░░░ never going to stop ░░░░░░░░ from applauding me I ░░░░░░░░ 4 on 1 We ░░░░░░░░ take these guys Go ░░░░░░░░ daddy s bat You ░░░░░░░░ go bruh The stats ░░░░░░░░ down like this 28 ░░░░░░░░ Republicans believe violence could ░░░░░░░░ the answer compared to ░░░░░░░░ 12 of Democrats and ░░░░░░░░ of independents Really Who ░░░░░░░░ those 18 of independents ░░░░░░░░ don t really strongly ░░░░░░░░ committed to any particular ░░░░░░░░ but I am willing ░░░░░░░░ kill for whatevs Laughter ░░░░░░░░ himself is taking every ░░░░░░░░ he can to try ░░░░░░░░ weasel his way back ░░░░░░░░ the White House He ░░░░░░░░ even pressuring the state ░░░░░░░░ Nebraska to change how ░░░░░░░░ awards electoral votes Always ░░░░░░░░ bad sign when your ░░░░░░░░ strategy is to bully ░░░░░░░░ states Hey more like ░░░░░░░░ Hampshire you dusty bitch ░░░░░░░░ gimme all your electoral ░░░░░░░░ and go back to ░░░░░░░░ ing Vermont Oh I ░░░░░░░░ Ben and Jerry like ░░░░░░░░ watch Nebraska s electoral ░░░░░░░░ matters because many believe ░░░░░░░░ could be decided by ░░░░░░░░ single electoral vote from ░░░░░░░░ Nebraska s Second District ░░░░░░░░ other words this is ░░░░░░░░ complete and total STACK ░░░░░░░░ Steve COLBERT Oh hi ░░░░░░░░ It s my writer ░░░░░░░░ Stack everybody Brian what ░░░░░░░░ up STACK Well I ░░░░░░░░ t help but notice ░░░░░░░░ were talking about Nebraska ░░░░░░░░ know what they say ░░░░░░░░ Nebraska COLBERT What s ░░░░░░░░ Brian STACK No I ░░░░░░░░ asking Do you know ░░░░░░░░ they say about Nebraska ░░░░░░░░ the writers and I ░░░░░░░░ trying to cook up ░░░░░░░░ real crackerjack joke And ░░░░░░░░ you know anything about ░░░░░░░░ we could probably write ░░░░░░░░ joke to play off ░░░░░░░░ that You know for ░░░░░░░░ monologue COLBERT Brian I ░░░░░░░░ doing the monologue right ░░░░░░░░ STACK Perfect o We ░░░░░░░░ put our noodles together ░░░░░░░░ ya something great Big ░░░░░░░░ major joke Write up ░░░░░░░░ HuffPo for sure I ░░░░░░░░ be back in one ░░░░░░░░ COLBERT Brian Stack everybody ░░░░░░░░ you Brian Very kind ░░░░░░░░ tries He s well ░░░░░░░░