Colbert: Just Wait Until Fox News Finds out that One of the Ingredients of M&M’s Is Critical Race Theory

RUSH TRANSCRIPT All right ░░░░░░░░ there s news from ░░░░░░░░ world of candy the ░░░░░░░░ part of trail mix ░░░░░░░░ actually eat You might ░░░░░░░░ last year when m ░░░░░░░░ s redesigned their female ░░░░░░░░ spokecandy changing her go ░░░░░░░░ boots to sensible sneakers ░░░░░░░░ Fox News host Tucker ░░░░░░░░ was outraged about no ░░░░░░░░ being turned on M ░░░░░░░░ s will not be ░░░░░░░░ until every last cartoon ░░░░░░░░ is deeply unappealing and ░░░░░░░░ androgynous until the moment ░░░░░░░░ wouldn t want to ░░░░░░░░ a drink with any ░░░░░░░░ of them laughter Stephen ░░░░░░░░ weird about that Who ░░░░░░░░ t thought about taking ░░░░░░░░ candy out for drinks ░░░░░░░░ then if things go ░░░░░░░░ maybe a little action ░░░░░░░░ the peanut under the ░░░░░░░░ shell And that was ░░░░░░░░ his take on the ░░░░░░░░ When the newest spokescandy ░░░░░░░░ he described it as ░░░░░░░░ plus sized obese purple ░░░░░░░░ m First of all ░░░░░░░░ s not obese she ░░░░░░░░ with nut Okay show ░░░░░░░░ respect Recently in honor ░░░░░░░░ international women s day ░░░░░░░░ m s international women ░░░░░░░░ day m ms launched ░░░░░░░░ new limited edition pack ░░░░░░░░ includes only purple brown ░░░░░░░░ green the candy s ░░░░░░░░ of female characters who ░░░░░░░░ upside down on the ░░░░░░░░ to celebrate women everywhere ░░░░░░░░ are flipping the status ░░░░░░░░ Some people like that ░░░░░░░░ people like that a ░░░░░░░░ To others to some ░░░░░░░░ kind of performative corporate ░░░░░░░░ might seem shallow and ░░░░░░░░ But others seem to ░░░░░░░░ it s the end ░░░░░░░░ the bleep world Specifically ░░░░░░░░ News who freaked out ░░░░░░░░ m m s getting ░░░░░░░░ woke Just wait till ░░░░░░░░ find out that one ░░░░░░░░ the ingredients is Critical ░░░░░░░░ Theory And you troo ░░░░░░░░ s true It s ░░░░░░░░ below carnuba wax And ░░░░░░░░ all this controversy yesterday ░░░░░░░░ ms released a statement ░░░░░░░░ they have decided to ░░░░░░░░ an indefinite pause from ░░░░░░░░ spokescandies Now I know ░░░░░░░░ you re thinking great ░░░░░░░░ where will I get ░░░░░░░░ fix of anthropomorphic candy ░░░░░░░░ with slightly different personality ░░░░░░░░ Well don t worry ░░░░░░░░ another candy company is ░░░░░░░░ wading into this cultural ░░░░░░░░ Jim Narrator Susan b ░░░░░░░░ Frida kahlo Ruth Bader ░░░░░░░░ record scratch Mike and ░░░░░░░░ That s right The ░░░░░░░░ you settle for when ░░░░░░░░ re out of skittles ░░░░░░░░ got progressive as hell ░░░░░░░░ and ike now have ░░░░░░░░ own female candies Sheila ░░░░░░░░ doreen Ahhh That s ░░░░░░░░ we re here Deal ░░░░░░░░ it I taste like ░░░░░░░░ fruit but I also ░░░░░░░░ a successful landscaping company ░░░░░░░░ Akron Ohio I m ░░░░░░░░ just brown I m ░░░░░░░░ tenured professor at brown ░░░░░░░░ re sick of lady ░░░░░░░░ being two dimensional It ░░░░░░░░ always the smart one ░░░░░░░░ one the shy one ░░░░░░░░ We re complex I ░░░░░░░░ a deer once in ░░░░░░░░ At least I think ░░░░░░░░ was a deer I ░░░░░░░░ t look back Oh ░░░░░░░░ I didn t look ░░░░░░░░ Narrator that s right ░░░░░░░░ made Sheila and doreen ░░░░░░░░ complicated Um feminism much ░░░░░░░░ s recently widowed and ░░░░░░░░ m casually sleeping with ░░░░░░░░ twizzlers I m also ░░░░░░░░ mom Guess where the ░░░░░░░░ came out of I ░░░░░░░░ have one hole Ahhhh ░░░░░░░░ Narrator everyone knows Mike ░░░░░░░░ ike s are a ░░░░░░░░ of fruity and chewy ░░░░░░░░ them fruchewy But we ░░░░░░░░ changing the flavor status ░░░░░░░░ I m kiwi And ░░░░░░░░ m beef And together ░░░░░░░░ re Narrator that s ░░░░░░░░ good We probably should ░░░░░░░░ read that out loud ░░░░░░░░ But if you re ░░░░░░░░ they re too woke ░░░░░░░░ t worry Because we ░░░░░░░░ decided Don t you ░░░░░░░░ give us boobs Narrator ░░░░░░░░ give them boobs No ░░░░░░░░ cool Nooo Narrator so ░░░░░░░░ you want high fructose ░░░░░░░░ syrup that s been ░░░░░░░░ female to seem vaguely ░░░░░░░░ but is still weirdly ░░░░░░░░ reach for a box ░░░░░░░░ Sheila doreen s Kiweefy ░░░░░░░░ Kiweefy Narrator available wherever ░░░░░░░░ and ikes are found ░░░░░░░░ probably in an abandoned ░░░░░░░░ station Kiweefy Stephen we ░░░░░░░░ be right back