Stephen Colbert to Trump: ‘I’m Sorry That You’re a Terrible President’

RUSH TRANSCRIPT Now folks ░░░░░░░░ was everybody s weekend ░░░░░░░░ and applause I had ░░░░░░░░ pretty good weekend Not ░░░░░░░░ good as the president ░░░░░░░░ but good In case ░░░░░░░░ re coming to us ░░░░░░░░ under your rock I ░░░░░░░░ you re all sitting ░░░░░░░░ and you all are ░░░░░░░░ Laughter Out there too ░░░░░░░░ this weekend we got ░░░░░░░░ troubling news our president ░░░░░░░░ Not a Russian asset ░░░░░░░░ Cheers and applause It ░░░░░░░░ feels strange to say ░░░░░░░░ Yes Stephen Now I ░░░░░░░░ Troubling news because if ░░░░░░░░ isn t working with ░░░░░░░░ Russians then what the ░░░░░░░░ is wrong with him ░░░░░░░░ If they don t ░░░░░░░░ anything on him why ░░░░░░░░ he keep saying nice ░░░░░░░░ about Putin Laughter It ░░░░░░░░ like if at the ░░░░░░░░ of The manchurian candidate ░░░░░░░░ they show him the ░░░░░░░░ of diamonds the guy ░░░░░░░░ like as Trump Put ░░░░░░░░ the card Don t ░░░░░░░░ it Laughter Queen of ░░░░░░░░ Jack of diamonds subway ░░░░░░░░ punch card whatever I ░░░░░░░░ onboard Laughter Here s ░░░░░░░░ we are after almost ░░░░░░░░ years in which we ░░░░░░░░ aged 10 on Friday ░░░░░░░░ Mueller turned in his ░░░░░░░░ to attorney general and ░░░░░░░░ collar Fred flintstone William ░░░░░░░░ Laughter What was in ░░░░░░░░ Friday around 5 00 ░░░░░░░░ like that What was ░░░░░░░░ it Nobody knew Until ░░░░░░░░ when Barr released a ░░░░░░░░ page letter summarizing it ░░░░░░░░ was like cliff notes ░░░░░░░░ more like I want ░░░░░░░░ jump off a cliff ░░░░░░░░ Laughter Because the biggest ░░░░░░░░ according to Barr is ░░░░░░░░ Mueller s report concluded ░░░░░░░░ Trump campaign did not ░░░░░░░░ with Russia to influence ░░░░░░░░ 2016 election Which brings ░░░░░░░░ to our new ongoing ░░░░░░░░ Oh Alright then Laughter ░░░░░░░░ one Cheers and applause ░░░░░░░░ is shall we say ░░░░░░░░ climactic Laughter It s ░░░░░░░░ saying Guess what kids ░░░░░░░░ came And he brought ░░░░░░░░ nothing Laughter In fact ░░░░░░░░ took his sack of ░░░░░░░░ and handed it over ░░░░░░░░ a guy named bill ░░░░░░░░ bill s like I ░░░░░░░░ give you a summary ░░░░░░░░ the gifts Oh and ░░░░░░░░ the way this bill ░░░░░░░░ got this job by ░░░░░░░░ a 19 page memo ░░░░░░░░ how Christmas is illegal ░░░░░░░░ We ve been following ░░░░░░░░ Mueller investigation for two ░░░░░░░░ I think we even ░░░░░░░░ it on the show ░░░░░░░░ couple of times Laughter ░░░░░░░░ this is the finale ░░░░░░░░ is worse than the ░░░░░░░░ of Lost Laughter Jon ░░░░░░░░ Wow Piano riff Audience ░░░░░░░░ Stephen I mean what ░░░░░░░░ the smoke monster Was ░░░░░░░░ real or not And ░░░░░░░░ not why have so ░░░░░░░░ members of Trump s ░░░░░░░░ plead guilty to lying ░░░░░░░░ meeting with the smoke ░░░░░░░░ Laughter Cheers and applause ░░░░░░░░ don t understand I ░░░░░░░░ t understand Why couldn ░░░░░░░░ this have been like ░░░░░░░░ ending of Seinfeld Still ░░░░░░░░ but at least they ░░░░░░░░ all in jail Laughter ░░░░░░░░ and applause Piano riff ░░░░░░░░ my So now that ░░░░░░░░ says that Mueller says ░░░░░░░░ s no proof of ░░░░░░░░ a lot of people ░░░░░░░░ Trump s critics to ░░░░░░░░ Okay I ll start ░░░░░░░░ ve said one or ░░░░░░░░ things about Donald Trump ░░░░░░░░ how he s a ░░░░░░░░ president So I m ░░░░░░░░ gonna bite the bullet ░░░░░░░░ say Mr President if ░░░░░░░░ re watching and I ░░░░░░░░ you are I m ░░░░░░░░ That you re a ░░░░░░░░ president Laughter Cheers and ░░░░░░░░