Ike Barinholtz Hopes Mitch McConnell Gets the ‘Quality Health Care’ He Has ‘Fought So Hard to Deny Everyone Else’

‘In all seriousness, I do want to extend well wishes to Senator McConnell’

RUSH EXCERPT:

BARINHOLTZ: “First of all, thank God he’s still hot as hell. Mitch also put out a statement saying “I didn’t break any bones or suffer a concussion. I didn’t have a heart attack or a stroke. I don’t have any tumors or hemorrhages.” My brain is not a pile of lukewarm oatmeal. I am not damp and covered in bruises like a peach left in a washing machine. I have no trouble recognizing my own name when it is shouted by nurses into my working ear. My skin is not sloughing off in scaly sheets like a komodo dragon. I’m not molting. I merely made love too hard with my 900 year old schlong. So that’s nice. Good, good for him. Good job. He’s a good guy. Some people online have been speculating this isn’t actually a current photo of McConnell. But I don’t know, I mean he’s literally holding a newspaper! Can we zoom in on that? What? Dewey defeats Truman? What the hell? That happened a long time ago, guillermo. No wonder he looks so young there. In all seriousness, I do want to extend well wishes to senator McConnell. I hope you get the quality healthcare you’ve fought so hard to deny everyone else. Thank you. Pulling for you, Mitch.”
 

 

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Ike Barinholtz Hopes Mitch McConnell Gets the ‘Quality Health Care’ He Has ‘Fought So Hard to Deny Everyone Else’