Colbert Mocks J.D. Vance Ordering River Water Level Raised for Birthday Boat Trip: ‘I Don’t Like How Blue the Sky Is, Paint it Red’

EXCERPT:

COLBERT: "Seeing Tim Cook travel from distant lands to present our chieftain with a precious ingot is just the latest event that makes you feel like our country is plunging headfirst into techno-feudalism, where the rich and powerful operate the levers of government solely for their own personal gain.But once in a while, a story comes along that gives me a glimmer of hope. This isn’t one of them — 
(Laughter)
— because we just found out that J.D. Vance ordered a river's water level raised for his family boat trip on his birthday. This is such an insane, spoiled baby emperor move that I have no choice but to break up my new character: Widdle Pwince Vance.
(Laughter)
(Cheering and Applause) 
Hear ye, hear ye! I want my wiver waised for my birthday! Also, I don’t like how blue the sky is. Paint it wed! Now give me juice box! Juice box! Not fruit juice! Apple! Kill him! Kill him!”