This was the year they stopped pretending. To sell the illusion the news industry is here to help us separate fact from fiction, the national media historically performs their role of impartial journalist somewhat unevenly, resorting to rhetorical devices like "experts say" or "Republicans pounce" to help bury their bias beneath the surface. But in the era of Trump, the corporate media no longer cares; their existence is now defined by their crusade against the man they hate most, and that's resulting in their unapologetic attachment to his presumed 2024 opponent, President Joe Biden.
As you'll see in this year's Most Mortifying Media Moments, 2023 was a year where actual journalists unearthed incredible scoops about Biden family corruption, Fauci orchestrating a cover-up of his role in the Covid outbreak, the FBI conspiring with Big Tech to rig the 2020 election, social media companies effectively outsourcing content moderation to the CIA — but for America's corporate press, their job wasn't so much to report the news but to prevent ordinary Americans from seeing it. Keeping us distracted with petty contrivances of zero import. If there's good news, it's the resulting growing distrust of the national media, as Americans are clearly seeing the corporate media's loyalties lie not with the people, but with the uber-powerful.
So without further ado, let's get mortified!
10. Media Pretend To Be Sad Their Enemy Was Arrested
Despite the archvillain of the corporate media's 7-year saga finally encountering the outcome they had been practically praying for — getting arrested — these full-time media personalities & part-time actors were careful to pretend they were super sad about the whole thing. "It's a somber moment for our country," MSNBC's Stephanie Ruhle mawkishly postured. Worse, when they prayers were answered a second time and Trump was arrested again, they repeated the exact same act.
9. Media: All the Cool Kids Fall on Their Face
Astute media observers may recall that after former Pres. Trump walked slowly down a ramp after a commencement address, the 24-hour news nets were wall-to-wall with "Trump is basically a helpless invalid" commentary. Astute media observers may also recall that their standard was somewhat more forgiving after Pres. Biden awkwardly fell at the Air Force Academy; suddenly, falling on your face was standard presidential behavior, with anchors even helpfully informing us it often happens to them. We’ll leave it up to astute media observers to determine if these shifting standards say anything about these “journalists’” priorities.
8. Media: Give Biden a Medal for His Kiev Layover
With Biden's poll numbers plummeting, his handlers hatched an idea: How about orchestrating the mother of all photo ops, where President Biden arrives in Kiev, surveys the damage & heroically vows America will always stand by our Ukrainian allies. It went down in February, and as Biden attempted walking a brief distance along a Kiev street, a well-timed air raid siren was heard in the background, yet Biden & Zelenksy were both sure to continue along looking unconcerned (or in Biden's case, simply unaware). Taking this carefully crafted bait, the corporate media ran wild — “historic, timely, and brave,” triumphed Joy Ann Reid — practically nominating the president for the Congressional Medal of Honor. That they're willing to debase themselves so thoroughly, behaving almost like cheerleaders for Kim Jong Un's basketball team, would seem to indicate their adoration for power is possibly reaching clinical levels.
7. U.S. Media Volunteer for Hamas
Media mistakes run the gamut from mostly inconsequential (typos in a headline) to those that end up accidentally sparking a violent global uprising. This year's 7th most mortifying media moment falls in the latter category, when in the first days of the Israel-Hamas war, Hamas reported an IDF airstrike had hit a hospital & killed 500 people. As so often happens, the corporate media was only too happy to quickly circulate this fake news around the world before the truth could even get its pants on. Despite the report being disproved mere hours later, the damage was down, with uprisings against U.S. and Israeli interests sparked across the Middle East. But in the media’s defense: Who has time to check facts when Trump’s probably tweeting on Truth Social?
6. Biden's DoJ Is Biased Against ... the Bidens!
The good thing about working in the corporate media is that you don't need any actual principles. As a result, it's easy to go from one day arguing there's systemic bias against those scoring highest on intersectionality's victimology index, to arguing the next day the system is actually biased against privileged wealthy, white, cis heirs to the president. No matter, so long as these media personalities stay focused on regularly reminding us who the good guys are we’re supposed to revere and who the bad guys are we’re supposed to scorn, that's a job well done in today's journalisming industry.
5. Media Attack Whistleblowers for Disproving Their Hunter Biden Disinformation
If you take several days to rigorously review the tapes, you just might be able to spot the difference in coverage between the whistleblower who alleged Trump acted improperly in asking Ukraine to investigate Biden's corruption, and the whistleblowers who say their attempts at investigating Biden corruption were repeatedly shot down by D.C.-affiliated superiors. Luckily for Democrats, the anti-Trump whistleblower was a courageous American hero. Unluckily for Republicans, the anti-Biden whistleblowers were only "so-called" whistleblowers and it was surely a good thing when they were penalized for speaking out. You can hardly blame the media, though, since these whistleblowers also disproved their 2020 disinformation about Hunter's laptop. If the American people are ever starting to catch glimpses of the truth, our corporate media is always ready to pounce.
- Unfortunately Our Critics Will Need Deprogramming
Hillary Clinton helped get the ball started, but she’s hardly been the only progressive to suggest American democracy hinges on the urgent creation of re-education camps. Progressives have floated “deprogramming” for all manner of ThoughtCrimes: Unapologetic support of the 2nd Amendment, opposing the LGBT agenda, lack of fear of “climate change,” or simply for supporting Trump. You may notice that many of the deprogrammers are the same people who touted themselves as the best qualified to determine what information we can access; so now we know their backup plan in the event too many of us encounter unsanctioned content.
3. Media Try Brainwashing Americans to Love Failing Economy
Just because you can't afford to take your family out to eat doesn't mean you shouldn't be praising Biden for saving our economy. At least that's what the media's been drumming into our heads ever since his huge trillion spending bills panned out exactly as they assured us they wouldn't. Despite prices reaching historic highs in almost every category — years-long, continuous inflation that's driven Americans into the deepest debt levels in our history — the corporate media remains incredulous America's ungrateful poors aren't applauding Biden. Why, before many of you only had one job, but now it takes almost three to keep your family fed. That's less unemployment! #BoomTimesBaby
2. Biden’s Bribes Are the Story of One Father’s Love
OK, so maybe it wasn't true that Joe Biden "never discussed" Hunter's business deals, or his subsequent excuse of never having "gotten involved" in Hunter's business, or his even more recent excuse he never got involved ... "financially." That's not what matters. What matters is that whatever Joe did was simply an expression of one's father's love for his troubled son. Use his power as VP to sack a Ukrainian prosecutor while his family receives millions in return? That's called being a good dad. Funnel millions from China to various members of the Biden family while they’re helping the ChiComs buy our natural resources? That's Father of the Year potential, my friends. Setting up multiple fake government email addresses, complete with phony pseudonyms, through which VP Biden could funnel information to Hunter’s shady contacts? Has any loving father not?
1. Media: Literally Every Bad Thing Will Happen if Trump Wins Again
Bad news: If Trump somehow wins in 2024, experts in the media predict that this time the sky really will fall. And the moon. Even worse, democracy will be murdered, Mother Earth raped, and all of the puppies genocided. Rumor also has it Trump even plans to resurrect Adolf Hitler and name him as his School Lunch Czar.
We joke, but the media really is intent on peddling fear. They know fear displaces reason, and as reason recedes, gullibility grows— and the more gullible you become, the more useful you become to a corporate media whose job it is to mold large swaths of society on behalf of their patron saints in power. It’s all sure to lead to many more mortifying media moments ahead.
Buckle up for a bumpy 2024!
