Colbert: ‘ObamaCare Is 58 Times Harder To Get into than Harvard!’
COLBERT: "Please, can I have your attention? I have a major announcement to make. I don't like Barack Obama. (laughter) There, I said it. Where do I find the courage? I tell you why, folks, the man is a liar. Remember how he sold us ObamaCare?"
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OBAMA: "If you like your insurance plan, you will keep it."
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COLBERT: "But now millions of Americans have had their coverage ripped from them. I believe it's the plot of 'Taken 3.' First it was his daughter, then his wife, now they've taken his health plan. 'I have a particular set of skills. Yes, I'll hold.' Well, folks, we finally got the hard numbers on ObamaCare's disastrous first month. Stop, Hammer time!"
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FOX NEWS: "Fox's Alert now, we get our first look at the ObamaCare enrollment numbers and this has a long way to go. "Wall Street Journal" reports fewer than 50,000 Americans successfully signed up."
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COLBERT: "50,000! To put that into perspective, that is fewer people than watch "Up Late" with Alec Baldwin. Just look at the numbers, folks. There are 48 million uninsured Americans. That comes out to a .1% acceptance rate. So ObamaCare is 58 times harder to get into than Harvard! I mean, to get into ObamaCare you're really going to have to ace your M.R.I.s. I had no idea ObamaCare was going to be this exclusive. Which kind of makes me want in. I mean, I'll join anything that won't have me. Let me in, Earth, Wind & Fire. I can be moisture! 'Do you remember, the words to this song, la, la, la (laughter) folks, ObamaCare is like an impossibly hip club that covers your hip replacement. So come on, Obama, there's got to be a V.I.P. list. I tried showing up to the web site with two models and a bag of coke. But all i got was two coked up models! (laughter) God, they need some health care. I'll just keep trying, but in the meantime, Mr. President, please do not fix the web site. I wouldn't want this exclusive club to be ruined by a bunch of poor people."
