De Blasio Accused of Animal Cruelty After Accidentally Killing Groundhog Last Groundhog Day

Bill de Blasio and the Great Groundhog Murder Caper and Cover-up (PJ Media)

Over its nearly 400 year history, New York City has been the site of scandals, assaults, conspiracies, robberies, mayhem and acts of violence beyond measure. (The rest of the Empire State boasts a more similar record than most residents would care to admit.)  At times, the perpetrators of such villainy have included officials at the highest levels, particularly in the mayor’s office. Jimmy Walker left a lasting impression during the roaring twenties by accepting so many kickbacks that he was eventually forsaken by Tammany Hall and forced to resign.  In the decades preceding Walker’s tenure the city saw a series of top executives engaged in all manner of dirty deeds which might even make Boss Tweed blush. But rarely, if ever, was a sitting mayor convicted of (insert dramatic hamster music here)… murder.

All that may change, however, now that details have come to light in a truly horrific event which took place in full view of the public. On February 2nd of this year, Mayor Bill de Blasio was involved in the brutal killing of beloved New York icon,  Staten Island Chuck, the traditional rodent representative for the annual winter weather prognostication festival.  During a Groundhog Day appearance, His Honor hoisted the hapless animal up to nearly his full, impressive height and then carelessly let it plummet to the deck.