John Oliver: Buy Some Stamps and Save the USPS

RUSH TRANSCRIPT On mind ░░░░░░░░ we tonight concerns the ░░░░░░░░ postal service the organization ░░░░░░░░ would have delivered your ░░░░░░░░ s day card for ░░░░░░░░ if you had a ░░░░░░░░ tomorrow one like an ░░░░░░░░ sack of shit the ░░░░░░░░ s b s provides ░░░░░░░░ services from delivering mail ░░░░░░░░ to brylee ruining tick ░░░░░░░░ videos from Girls details ░░░░░░░░ you type but I ░░░░░░░░ t like that is ░░░░░░░░ from the what you ░░░░░░░░ to laughter that how ░░░░░░░░ doing every single part ░░░░░░░░ that is great older ░░░░░░░░ to interrupt every tick ░░░░░░░░ video effect tigers won ░░░░░░░░ an orange cat involved ░░░░░░░░ into species orgy what ░░░░░░░░ jeans jeans and already ░░░░░░░░ good right exactly ha ░░░░░░░░ improve upon but watch ░░░░░░░░ what I asked jeans ░░░░░░░░ and it s just ░░░░░░░░ better that s a ░░░░░░░░ on a cake right ░░░░░░░░ keep crashing tape talks ░░░░░░░░ national fucking treasure the ░░░░░░░░ service as a rich ░░░░░░░░ store read history actually ░░░░░░░░ the founding of is ░░░░░░░░ and it hasn t ░░░░░░░░ to bring my old ░░░░░░░░ every single household even ░░░░░░░░ it to the bottom ░░░░░░░░ the grand canyon by ░░░░░░░░ over the years American ░░░░░░░░ lied on it for ░░░░░░░░ white variety of needs ░░░░░░░░ children often watch for ░░░░░░░░ mailman just see what ░░░░░░░░ come today a big ░░░░░░░░ with many holes in ░░░░░░░░ box is full of ░░░░░░░░ check baby check don ░░░░░░░░ have to eat or ░░░░░░░░ for all day after ░░░░░░░░ hatched so they can ░░░░░░░░ safely through the mail ░░░░░░░░ s true used to ░░░░░░░░ able to send live ░░░░░░░░ chicks through the miley ░░░░░░░░ what you still time ░░░░░░░░ postal service will transport ░░░░░░░░ kinds of lie poultry ░░░░░░░░ including chickens dunks geese ░░░░░░░░ turkeys which actually race ░░░░░░░░ question why the fuck ░░░░░░░░ I ever center greeting ░░░░░░░░ again when I could ░░░░░░░░ I want a birthday ░░░░░░░░ or a thank you ░░░░░░░░ or a sympathy goose ░░░░░░░░ wouldn t want a ░░░░░░░░ goose emy sure you ░░░░░░░░ not is dead but ░░░░░░░░ you have a small ░░░░░░░░ which is on this ░░░░░░░░ true better but the ░░░░░░░░ pandemic is obviously making ░░░░░░░░ very difficult the postal ░░░░░░░░ right now is you ░░░░░░░░ note from seeing stories ░░░░░░░░ these I m very ░░░░░░░░ very worried where I ░░░░░░░░ to the plane that ░░░░░░░░ worry about come in ░░░░░░░░ everyday contract to bring ░░░░░░░░ back to my fan ░░░░░░░░ feel like your it ░░░░░░░░ everytime you go to ░░░░░░░░ yes say that is ░░░░░░░░ on the back of ░░░░░░░░ s mine there isn ░░░░░░░░ Yoga mansi office are ░░░░░░░░ essential or sacrifice all ░░░░░░░░ shit that is a ░░░░░░░░ joke most office yuma ░░░░░░░░ just on the level ░░░░░░░░ working hard or hardly ░░░░░░░░ or someone s microwave ░░░░░░░░ fish again not will ░░░░░░░░ died today l m ░░░░░░░░ I oh um those ░░░░░░░░ is a not misplaced ░░░░░░░░ thousand postal workers of ░░░░░░░░ typical vic 90 animal ░░░░░░░░ fourty have died the ░░░░░░░░ in addition to on ░░░░░░░░ all the ongoing pandemic ░░░░░░░░ work is also have ░░░░░░░░ grapple with another existential ░░░░░░░░ the postal service maybe ░░░░░░░░ to go broke the ░░░░░░░░ post master gentle recently ░░░░░░░░ Congress total 80 nine ░░░░░░░░ dollars and without financial ░░░░░░░░ the u s b ░░░░░░░░ may not make it ░░░░░░░░ September without significant service ░░░░░░░░ wishes upsetting especially joy ░░░░░░░░ election gear a census ░░░░░░░░ I m the pandemic ░░░░░░░░ has people house bout ░░░░░░░░ know people do love ░░░░░░░░ complain about the post ░░░░░░░░ for the truth is ░░░░░░░░ does very important work ░░░░░░░░ many people really rely ░░░░░░░░ it not just to ░░░░░░░░ packages but in rule ░░░░░░░░ in particular a post ░░░░░░░░ cumbia community hob the ░░░░░░░░ people together just listen ░░░░░░░░ this post master in ░░░░░░░░ Colorado tele hot warming ░░░░░░░░ with a bit of ░░░░░░░░ twist post master burger ░░░░░░░░ neighbours who live far ░░░░░░░░ run into each other ░░░░░░░░ the post office that ░░░░░░░░ how everybody keeps and ░░░░░░░░ including him what s ░░░░░░░░ me the opportunity to ░░░░░░░░ know these people in ░░░░░░░░ town more than I ░░░░░░░░ thought I would know ░░░░░░░░ m even agree where ░░░░░░░░ on my lunch our ░░░░░░░░ myself helping a neighbor ░░░░░░░░ dog ok first what ░░░░░░░░ excuse me I m ░░░░░░░░ just a circle back ░░░░░░░░ fuck also you just ░░░░░░░░ sometimes you help berry ░░░░░░░░ that s plural meaning ░░░░░░░░ donut more the wants ░░░░░░░░ helping someone do that ░░░░░░░░ is courtesy but what ░░░░░░░░ becoming a regular thing ░░░░░░░░ have to wonder why ░░░░░░░░ neighborhood dogs keep dying ░░░░░░░░ why you always there ░░░░░░░░ point is at the ░░░░░░░░ possible time this American ░░░░░░░░ is on the brink ░░░░░░░░ collapse so tonight we ░░░░░░░░ it might be worth ░░░░░░░░ why that is and ░░░░░░░░ can be done about ░░░░░░░░ let s start with ░░░░░░░░ fact that this piping ░░░░░░░░ of the federal government ░░░░░░░░ postal service is actually ░░░░░░░░ self funded entity it ░░░░░░░░ price independently management to ░░░░░░░░ for itself with the ░░░░░░░░ that it makes from ░░░░░░░░ on postage that might ░░░░░░░░ explain why over the ░░░░░░░░ it s often try ░░░░░░░░ encourage stump collecting with ░░░░░░░░ like this why mature ░░░░░░░░ porn on the new ░░░░░░░░ that song can get ░░░░░░░░ and also kudos on ░░░░░░░░ all the stamps that ░░░░░░░░ love from those slam ░░░░░░░░ die no stamps to ░░░░░░░░ dank get well stamp ░░░░░░░░ allrecipes to my personal ░░░░░░░░ the wanna simply says ░░░░░░░░ making gothic I speak ░░░░░░░░ cool kids everywhere and ░░░░░░░░ this simply nothing dope ░░░░░░░░ than a totally bitching ░░░░░░░░ stamp on just worried ░░░░░░░░ might be too cool ░░░░░░░░ knew what things do ░░░░░░░░ know why the postal ░░░░░░░░ in so much trouble ░░░░░░░░ the Internet an email ░░░░░░░░ that people just don ░░░░░░░░ use the as much ░░░░░░░░ that s not actually ░░░░░░░░ main reason effect expose ░░░░░░░░ it would still be ░░░░░░░░ a profit we re ░░░░░░░░ free two thousand six ░░░░░░░░ called the postal accountability ░░░░░░░░ enhancement axe now things ░░░░░░░░ required was the us ░░░░░░░░ prepay healthcare benefits for ░░░░░░░░ tyrese wanna fifty years ░░░░░░░░ starting with the price ░░░░░░░░ obligation to set aside ░░░░░░░░ five billion dollars a ░░░░░░░░ the 10 years that ░░░░░░░░ itself was a massive ░░░░░░░░ into put on the ░░░░░░░░ service but the law ░░░░░░░░ limited it s flexibility ░░░░░░░░ res money by putting ░░░░░░░░ caps on major products ░░░░░░░░ first class mile so ░░░░░░░░ had massive new obligations ░░░░░░░░ even as they income ░░░░░░░░ basically locked in place ░░░░░░░░ hunt site it seems ░░░░░░░░ a pretty clear death ░░░░░░░░ what makes you so ░░░░░░░░ that it pass largely ░░░░░░░░ at the time and ░░░░░░░░ by parties and support ░░░░░░░░ the effect was almost ░░░░░░░░ because the postal service ░░░░░░░░ reporting I net income ░░░░░░░░ nine hundred million dollars ░░░░░░░░ two thousand six toy ░░░░░░░░ of three point eight ░░░░░░░░ just three years later ░░░░░░░░ good luck sully enough ░░░░░░░░ asked lay stamps to ░░░░░░░░ yourself out of that ░░░░░░░░ so the truth is ░░░░░░░░ postal service is problems ░░░░░░░░ entirely from the fact ░░░░░░░░ started using email or ░░░░░░░░ the two thousand eight ░░░░░░░░ spin estimated that the ░░░░░░░░ of these one law ░░░░░░░░ accounted for approximately seventy ░░░░░░░░ percent of them it ░░░░░░░░ since it past and ░░░░░░░░ is despite them shedding ░░░░░░░░ a hundred thousand Jobs ░░░░░░░░ the fact that was ░░░░░░░░ badly hobble point active ░░░░░░░░ makes a little in ░░░░░░░░ acting that some lock ░░░░░░░░ Fox News comment I ░░░░░░░░ John stoessel hold it ░░░░░░░░ signed the government agencies ░░░░░░░░ just naturally bloated and ░░░░░░░░ another myth government can ░░░░░░░░ the post office like ░░░░░░░░ that real businesses can ░░░░░░░░ lose billions every 16 ░░░░░░░░ last year FedEx u ░░░░░░░░ s and others make ░░░░░░░░ because they in of ░░░░░░░░ cut cost ok there ░░░░░░░░ a lot wrong with ░░░░░░░░ but he is right ░░░░░░░░ FedEx is pretty good ░░░░░░░░ for sample you ve ░░░░░░░░ seen the arrowhead in ░░░░░░░░ FedEx logo but did ░░░░░░░░ know the years there ░░░░░░░░ used to be a ░░░░░░░░ hidden in the do ░░░░░░░░ want to see like ░░░░░░░░ arrow you can t ░░░░░░░░ but they took it ░░░░░░░░ because businesses have to ░░░░░░░░ no also is advocate ░░░░░░░░ then what many can ░░░░░░░░ would prefer postal service ░░░░░░░░ be private tight with ░░░░░░░░ awesome huge draw back ░░░░░░░░ that idea for starters ░░░░░░░░ you my noticed FedEx ░░░░░░░░ p s charge off ░░░░░░░░ of a lot more ░░░░░░░░ deliver down the postal ░░░░░░░░ does also those remote ░░░░░░░░ the obligated to deliver ░░░░░░░░ on just difficult to ░░░░░░░░ to the not profitable ░░░░░░░░ a naughty good companies ░░░░░░░░ cut those roots off ░░░░░░░░ a lot of people ░░░░░░░░ lose access a to ░░░░░░░░ credit joe s docile ░░░░░░░░ acknowledge that although paisley ░░░░░░░░ in response tough shit ░░░░░░░░ Constitution says Congress has ░░░░░░░░ power to established post ░░░░░░░░ it doesn t have ░░░░░░░░ that it doesn t ░░░░░░░░ that deliver mailed all ░░░░░░░░ americ who says there ░░░░░░░░ to be universal service ░░░░░░░░ I live way out ░░░░░░░░ the boondocks I can ░░░░░░░░ email now it s ░░░░░░░░ to decide why like ░░░░░░░░ about that he s ░░░░░░░░ of attitude towards roll ░░░░░░░░ the incorrect assumption the ░░░░░░░░ is a decent substitute ░░░░░░░░ the postal service convenient ░░░░░░░░ lossing over the fact ░░░░░░░░ estimated fourty two million ░░░░░░░░ lack access to broadband ░░░░░░░░ or the unfortunate fact ░░░░░░░░ John stoessel not what ░░░░░░░░ would happen if someone ░░░░░░░░ to queer I Geraldo ░░░░░░░░ but it didn t ░░░░░░░░ work on again the ░░░░░░░░ service is a little ░░░░░░░░ lloyd for many Americans ░░░░░░░░ delivered one point two ░░░░░░░░ prescriptions last year including ░░░░░░░░ to a hundred percent ░░░░░░░░ prescriptions from the v ░░░░░░░░ I won t you ░░░░░░░░ be able to buy ░░░░░░░░ online econ actually download ░░░░░░░░ from the Internet to ░░░░░░░░ you can download the ░░░░░░░░ jamie when is collection ░░░░░░░░ music like noises from ░░░░░░░░ Internet button this is ░░░░░░░░ important you shouldn t ░░░░░░░░ that and then just ░░░░░░░░ potential business impacts of ░░░░░░░░ isolation small businesses would ░░░░░░░░ by affected if service ░░░░░░░░ would you like this ░░░░░░░░ engraving company in rule ░░░░░░░░ fisher rock is another ░░░░░░░░ that uses the local ░░░░░░░░ office to ship some ░░░░░░░░ smaller products just about ░░░░░░░░ we mail out song ░░░░░░░░ hate the cm lose ░░░░░░░░ post office in an ░░░░░░░░ sherrie it s Andy ░░░░░░░░ businesses like myself just ░░░░░░░░ in the postage and ░░░░░░░░ and mail out rocks ░░░░░░░░ it would be a ░░░░░░░░ shame a fat business ░░░░░░░░ t bailout it s ░░░░░░░░ like this one that ░░░░░░░░ real women heart little ░░░░░░░░ all this one the ░░░░░░░░ the grass is green ░░░░░░░░ under lie when I ░░░░░░░░ that s a perfect ░░░░░░░░ right back if the ░░░░░░░░ service stopped delivering got ░░░░░░░░ dislike that it would ░░░░░░░░ a fucking tragedy without ░░░░░░░░ for me to be ░░░░░░░░ since I already bought ░░░░░░░░ I ve got to ░░░░░░░░ it s definitely funnier ░░░░░░░░ person one of the ░░░░░░░░ things about it is ░░░░░░░░ genuinely heavy this is ░░░░░░░░ look its not just ░░░░░░░░ businesses companies like FedEx ░░░░░░░░ often handle that packages ░░░░░░░░ the postal service for ░░░░░░░░ last leg of the ░░░░░░░░ especially in rural areas ░░░░░░░░ also contract many obits ░░░░░░░░ out to and that ░░░░░░░░ enough princess to want ░░░░░░░░ biggest thing standing in ░░░░░░░░ way of the u ░░░░░░░░ b s getting the ░░░░░░░░ assistant a so badly ░░░░░░░░ right now because this ░░░░░░░░ has strongly opposed giving ░░░░░░░░ sufficient eight and many ░░░░░░░░ that s because of ░░░░░░░░ s relationship with Amazon ░░░░░░░░ of course by Jeff ░░░░░░░░ who also owns The ░░░░░░░░ Post who s little ░░░░░░░░ is hated by the ░░░░░░░░ to as we know ░░░░░░░░ policy decisions based on ░░░░░░░░ neverending game of six ░░░░░░░░ of how is this ░░░░░░░░ me just watching join ░░░░░░░░ why the postal service ░░░░░░░░ not get federal help ░░░░░░░░ postal service is joke ░░░░░░░░ the packages for Amazon ░░░░░░░░ other Internet companies and ░░░░░░░░ day bring a package ░░░░░░░░ money on a post ░░░░░░░░ should raise the price ░░░░░░░░ a package by approximately ░░░░░░░░ times because it all ░░░░░░░░ for some reason people ░░░░░░░░ long time but for ░░░░░░░░ reason every cars with ░░░░░░░░ of these companies add ░░░░░░░░ raise the price of ░░░░░░░░ package ok first the ░░░░░░░░ service is not a ░░░░░░░░ it delivers jokes yes ░░░░░░░░ are as we know ░░░░░░░░ hilarious but it s ░░░░░░░░ in itself a joke ░░░░░░░░ under my wiener this ░░░░░░░░ the funniest rock of ░░░░░░░░ time Jesus Christ per ░░░░░░░░ if the postal service ░░░░░░░░ prices on companies those ░░░░░░░░ delivery cost will almost ░░░░░░░░ post on to the ░░░░░░░░ because that companies they ░░░░░░░░ t give a shit ░░░░░░░░ third isn t cutting ░░░░░░░░ deals to lose money ░░░░░░░░ every delivery because in ░░░░░░░░ to everything else we ░░░░░░░░ already discussed that two ░░░░░░░░ six law made illegal ░░░░░░░░ the u s b ░░░░░░░░ price puzzle delivery below ░░░░░░░░ s caso information here ░░░░░░░░ is absolutely convinced that ░░░░░░░░ postal service is because ░░░░░░░░ is one of the ░░░░░░░░ things that is not ░░░░░░░░ one of it s ░░░░░░░░ I must not just ░░░░░░░░ it s really worrying ░░░░░░░░ is just this week ░░░░░░░░ replace the outgoing post ░░░░░░░░ general with this guy ░░░░░░░░ to joy a monkey ░░░░░░░░ Trump Donna and the ░░░░░░░░ worry worry many many ░░░░░░░░ the Trump my now ░░░░░░░░ able to bend the ░░░░░░░░ service to his will ░░░░░░░░ bubbly me that by ░░░░░░░░ year every stump in ░░░░░░░░ will feature one of ░░░░░░░░ pesos is dick pics ░░░░░░░░ m a thing is ░░░░░░░░ are absolutely solutions that ░░░░░░░░ unable to postal service ░░░░░░░░ help themselves but for ░░░░░░░░ the reason that we ░░░░░░░░ their hands are tight ░░░░░░░░ it comes to pricing ░░░░░░░░ m mine product which ░░░░░░░░ help explain some of ░░░░░░░░ very weird site hostels ░░░░░░░░ as you can go ░░░░░░░░ a website and by ░░░░░░░░ costume theodore which is ░░░░░░░░ great way to make ░░░░░░░░ dog luggage perform your ░░░░░░░░ things rendition of dick ░░░░░░░░ the box also a ░░░░░░░░ he s buckby entered ░░░░░░░░ a bizarre partnership with ░░░░░░░░ 20 one to on ░░░░░░░░ like postal service themed ░░░░░░░░ line although as they ░░░░░░░░ will tell you the ░░░░░░░░ a few issues with ░░░░░░░░ garments my gosh why ░░░░░░░░ any of the happenings ░░░░░░░░ yes I am the ░░░░░░░░ my boobs or the ░░░░░░░░ the over all I ░░░░░░░░ gonna get rid of ░░░░░░░░ three and a half ░░░░░░░░ a 10 yeah when ░░░░░░░░ wearing nothing but the ░░░░░░░░ priority stretched over your ░░░░░░░░ it s a little ░░░░░░░░ to we lost have ░░░░░░░░ answer the question why ░░░░░░░░ any these happening is ░░░░░░░░ least and pot Chipotle ░░░░░░░░ new horseman active two ░░░░░░░░ six but look raunchy ░░░░░░░░ into fashion clearly won ░░░░░░░░ save the postal service ░░░░░░░░ is why it is ░░░░░░░░ important that given much ░░░░░░░░ flexibility no just on ░░░░░░░░ but also on the ░░░░░░░░ of services they can ░░░░░░░░ now expert suggested post ░░░░░░░░ could expunge there services ░░░░░░░░ issue things like hunting ░░░░░░░░ fishing license is and ░░░░░░░░ the best option is ░░░░░░░░ called postal banking weather ░░░░░░░░ office don t act ░░░░░░░░ a bank asked provide ░░░░░░░░ very basic financial services ░░░░░░░░ at savings accounts and ░░░░░░░░ cashing that wouldn t ░░░░░░░░ generate revenue could also ░░░░░░░░ estimated 20 five percent ░░░░░░░░ people in this country ░░░░░░░░ in unpacked or under ░░░░░░░░ communities who often forced ░░░░░░░░ to alternative financial services ░░░░░░░░ payday linda s WOOD ░░░░░░░░ charge up to four ░░░░░░░░ percent in fees and ░░░░░░░░ on this wouldn t ░░░░░░░░ completely out of the ░░░░░░░░ services lane nani did ░░░░░░░░ already provide some services ░░░░░░░░ selling money orders amani ░░░░░░░░ and prepaid cards but ░░░░░░░░ till the nineteenth sixty ░░░░░░░░ they will already do ░░░░░░░░ load mighty percentage in ░░░░░░░░ derive from salem stamps ░░░░░░░░ post office is also ░░░░░░░░ largest savings bank in ░░░░░░░░ country on the largest ░░░░░░░░ people the transfer of ░░░░░░░░ detection more than one ░░░░░░░░ a half billion dollars ░░░░░░░░ you know it s ░░░░░░░░ the weed is thing ░░░░░░░░ watching all time eclipse ░░░░░░░░ isn t that rent ░░░░░░░░ and white or that ░░░░░░░░ wearing hats is the ░░░░░░░░ is standing next to ░░░░░░░░ other in public place ░░░░░░░░ no fear of dying ░░░░░░░░ this point I have ░░░░░░░░ severe quarantine brain I ░░░░░░░░ wake up in the ░░░░░░░░ period I my first ░░░░░░░░ would be holy shit ░░░░░░░░ stecker sources standing white ░░░░░░░░ close together bullock postal ░░░░░░░░ is clearly more of ░░░░░░░░ long time solution it ░░░░░░░░ t get the u ░░░░░░░░ b s out of ░░░░░░░░ s current mass what ░░░░░░░░ badly need is nephews ░░░░░░░░ funding as soon as ░░░░░░░░ not only should we ░░░░░░░░ demanding that they get ░░░░░░░░ so take a look ░░░░░░░░ doing some of them ░░░░░░░░ owners toms in two ░░░░░░░░ six law and until ░░░░░░░░ then I actually be ░░░░░░░░ small that we can ░░░░░░░░ he because the purchase ░░░░░░░░ stamps still a key ░░░░░░░░ generator for them and ░░░░░░░░ you can actually get ░░░░░░░░ made TV shows of ░░░░░░░░ this in the past ░░░░░░░░ Idol sold stamps and ░░░░░░░░ I m full frontal ░░░░░░░░ did give always a ░░░░░░░░ it will not come ░░░░░░░░ to racing 19 billion ░░░░░░░░ the postal service badly ░░░░░░░░ weep actually be working ░░░░░░░░ stumps dot com full ░░░░░░░░ to not just do ░░░░░░░░ giveaway what to produce ░░░░░░░░ run of stamps the ░░░░░░░░ available for you to ░░░░░░░░ right now if you ░░░░░░░░ to stumps dot com ░░░░░░░░ last stump tonight you ░░░░░░░░ find postage featuring John ░░░░░░░░ zebra Mr nutter butter ░░░░░░░░ or personal favorite and ░░░░░░░░ a stamp you can ░░░░░░░░ sheets of these for ░░░░░░░░ next month and I ░░░░░░░░ really encourage you to ░░░░░░░░ that the other perfect ░░░░░░░░ a miley Carter supports ░░░░░░░░ u s b s ░░░░░░░░ it s time of ░░░░░░░░ one also say I ░░░░░░░░ last week tonight and ░░░░░░░░ m sorry I forgot ░░░░░░░░ s day which year ░░░░░░░░ you piece of shit ░░░░░░░░ you like the segment ░░░░░░░░ buy a stamp a ░░░░░░░░ the postal service if ░░░░░░░░ hated it by one ░░░░░░░░ and make me a ░░░░░░░░ about how much are ░░░░░░░░ it all the same ░░░░░░░░ then you be doing ░░░░░░░░ really nice thing that ░░░░░░░░ all show thank you ░░░░░░░░ much watch it will ░░░░░░░░ you next week goodnight