Alec Baldwin Returns as Donald Trump To Mope About Mueller Probe, G20 Summit in SNL Cold Open

>> Donald Donald come to ░░░░░░░░ Melania applause Melania I ░░░░░░░░ having trouble sleeping I ░░░░░░░░ having this nightmare where ░░░░░░░░ m walking in a ░░░░░░░░ of blood No no ░░░░░░░░ was just my Christmas ░░░░░░░░ What s the matter ░░░░░░░░ do you not like ░░░░░░░░ No I love Argentina ░░░░░░░░ are a bunch of ░░░░░░░░ German guys who are ░░░░░░░░ into what I have ░░░░░░░░ say here The meeting ░░░░░░░░ the Chinese president went ░░░░░░░░ I know it was ░░░░░░░░ Every time he said ░░░░░░░░ I said in bed ░░░░░░░░ You re very funny ░░░░░░░░ what s wrong I ░░░░░░░░ can t stop thinking ░░░░░░░░ this Mueller investigation Sometimes ░░░░░░░░ almost feels like they ░░░░░░░░ coming after me Oh ░░░░░░░░ up Donald You know ░░░░░░░░ case scenario you go ░░░░░░░░ prison and you have ░░░░░░░░ transfer your money to ░░░░░░░░ for safe keeping and ░░░░░░░░ have hire a giant ░░░░░░░░ to protect me I ░░░░░░░░ that worse case In ░░░░░░░░ I m going to ░░░░░░░░ think about that worse ░░░░░░░░ while I soak in ░░░░░░░░ bathtub All right I ░░░░░░░░ be in soon honey ░░░░░░░░ Donnie you ve really ░░░░░░░░ it this time You ░░░░░░░░ to face all of ░░░░░░░░ European leaders again They ░░░░░░░░ hate me because I ░░░░░░░░ a nationalist What did ░░░░░░░░ ever do to Europe ░░░░░░░░ hi Laughter Rudy where ░░░░░░░░ you come Oh I ░░░░░░░░ hanging upside down under ░░░░░░░░ balcony Laughter What s ░░░░░░░░ latest on the mother ░░░░░░░░ Well the good news ░░░░░░░░ it s almost over ░░░░░░░░ the bad news It ░░░░░░░░ almost over How is ░░░░░░░░ legal defense Well I ░░░░░░░░ involved so it s ░░░░░░░░ great This might be ░░░░░░░░ first time someone s ░░░░░░░░ pleads insanity God I ░░░░░░░░ to fire you Rudy ░░░░░░░░ I can t You ░░░░░░░░ all of my secrets ░░░░░░░░ and I keep those ░░░░░░░░ where no one can ░░░░░░░░ them on nationally televised ░░░░░░░░ Okay I need to ░░░░░░░░ some errands before the ░░░░░░░░ Good night Donald Good ░░░░░░░░ Rudy All alone again ░░░░░░░░ one understands me Who ░░░░░░░░ I call Someone who ░░░░░░░░ know will always answer ░░░░░░░░ ringing Yes hello Michael ░░░░░░░░ speaking I ll tell ░░░░░░░░ anything you want Michael ░░░░░░░░ it s Donald Mr ░░░░░░░░ I m not supposed ░░░░░░░░ be talking to you ░░░░░░░░ on Michael I m ░░░░░░░░ get in trouble But ░░░░░░░░ Mikey coco I need ░░░░░░░░ bowl of my Mikey ░░░░░░░░ puffs Okay fine I ░░░░░░░░ t say no to ░░░░░░░░ Donald Trump lupus There ░░░░░░░░ go Where can I ░░░░░░░░ my son Eric in ░░░░░░░░ old age fat suit ░░░░░░░░ say it s me ░░░░░░░░ m not sure it ░░░░░░░░ work sir Trust me ░░░░░░░░ will never catch on ░░░░░░░░ Mr Trump it s ░░░░░░░░ Well Michael at least ░░░░░░░░ are some things they ░░░░░░░░ never take away from ░░░░░░░░ Our late night talks ░░░░░░░░ got them on tape ░░░░░░░░ vacations to Moscow They ░░░░░░░░ the records What about ░░░░░░░░ hairstylist the blind man ░░░░░░░░ the shaky hands He ░░░░░░░░ months ago I m ░░░░░░░░ you re going to ░░░░░░░░ Michael You re like ░░░░░░░░ son to me Then ░░░░░░░░ did you make me ░░░░░░░░ so many illegal stuff ░░░░░░░░ you re like a ░░░░░░░░ to me Good bye ░░░░░░░░ God I haven t ░░░░░░░░ this upset since I ░░░░░░░░ out over that parking ░░░░░░░░ Laughter How can anyone ░░░░░░░░ I colluded with Russia ░░░░░░░░ why are you still ░░░░░░░░ Laughter Come back to ░░░░░░░░ babe God ierjs I ░░░░░░░░ t believe you and ░░░░░░░░ crowd prince of Saudi ░░░░░░░░ had that whole handshake ░░░░░░░░ What that That meant ░░░░░░░░ to me It was ░░░░░░░░ a totally improvised handshake ░░░░░░░░ m not briek bros ░░░░░░░░ him or anything Hey ░░░░░░░░ doddy Hey my number ░░░░░░░░ I thought I was ░░░░░░░░ number one Oh totally ░░░░░░░░ re not my side ░░░░░░░░ You re like my ░░░░░░░░ girlfriend and this guy ░░░░░░░░ like a random hooker ░░░░░░░░ when we all race ░░░░░░░░ buggies last week And ░░░░░░░░ was like did you ░░░░░░░░ kill that journalist I ░░░░░░░░ like of course I ░░░░░░░░ t on opposite day ░░░░░░░░ vlad I m sorry ░░░░░░░░ had to cancel our ░░░░░░░░ Oh it s all ░░░░░░░░ Hey when am I ░░░░░░░░ into Trump Tower penthouse ░░░░░░░░ Moscow No I m ░░░░░░░░ I would never set ░░░░░░░░ in such a dump ░░░░░░░░ that You re so ░░░░░░░░ vlad Broke us up ░░░░░░░░ check it When I ░░░░░░░░ that guy the other ░░░░░░░░ trumpy was like oh ░░░░░░░░ tell me you didn ░░░░░░░░ do it I was ░░░░░░░░ bitch you want your ░░░░░░░░ or not One two ░░░░░░░░ four Laughter Anyway you ░░░░░░░░ t see me for ░░░░░░░░ while Donnie I prefer ░░░░░░░░ who don t get ░░░░░░░░ Come on I ll ░░░░░░░░ you a llama and ░░░░░░░░ ll get it drunk ░░░░░░░░ you re so actually ░░░░░░░░ I love you Peace ░░░░░░░░ Applause Wow who knows ░░░░░░░░ tomorrow will bring For ░░░░░░░░ I guess all I ░░░░░░░░ say don t cry ░░░░░░░░ me Argentina the truth ░░░░░░░░ m very guilty some ░░░░░░░░ no nos and maybe ░░░░░░░░ but I kept my ░░░░░░░░ oops no I didn ░░░░░░░░ don t cry for ░░░░░░░░ Argentina the truth is ░░░░░░░░ barely know him all ░░░░░░░░ our wild days my ░░░░░░░░ existence it s just ░░░░░░░░ witch hunt and we ░░░░░░░░ all witches And live ░░░░░░░░ New York it s ░░░░░░░░ night!
[ Cheers and applause ]