SNL’s Weekend Update Roasts Rudy Giuliani’s ‘Kings of Dementia Comedy Tour’

RUSH TRANSCRIPT ANNOUNCER It ░░░░░░░░ Weekend Update with Colin ░░░░░░░░ and Michael Che Cheering ░░░░░░░░ applause JOST Hi Hi ░░░░░░░░ evening everyone CHE Welcome ░░░░░░░░ weekend update I m ░░░░░░░░ Che JOST And I ░░░░░░░░ Colin Jost Well the ░░░░░░░░ might be running out ░░░░░░░░ Trump s presidency So ░░░░░░░░ know what that means ░░░░░░░░ re finally putting in ░░░░░░░░ But instead of making ░░░░░░░░ great play this Rudy ░░░░░░░░ tackled his own quarterback ░░░░░░░░ appeared on Fox News ░░░░░░░░ straight up admitted that ░░░░░░░░ knew about the Stormy ░░░░░░░░ payment which was maybe ░░░░░░░░ best confession I ve ░░░░░░░░ on TV that didn ░░░░░░░░ end with Created by ░░░░░░░░ Wolf This Stormy Daniels ░░░░░░░░ has turned out to ░░░░░░░░ the loudest hush money ░░░░░░░░ history And during his ░░░░░░░░ of Dementia comedy tour ░░░░░░░░ also said that the ░░░░░░░░ money was quote funneled ░░░░░░░░ a law firm Dude ░░░░░░░░ is not typically a ░░░░░░░░ innocent people use when ░░░░░░░░ about money No one ░░░░░░░░ Yeah my grandma funneled ░░░░░░░░ 5 on my birthday ░░░░░░░░ CHE Rudy Giuliani s ░░░░░░░░ that President Trump only ░░░░░░░░ a week ago that ░░░░░░░░ was reimbursed on Michael ░░░░░░░░ s payment to Stormy ░░░░░░░░ in 35 000 installments ░░░░░░░░ have a couple of ░░░░░░░░ Like what kind of ░░░░░░░░ pays for stuff in ░░░░░░░░ You re the president ░░░░░░░░ the United States Why ░░░░░░░░ you paying for sex ░░░░░░░░ it s a NordicTrack ░░░░░░░░ how did y all ░░░░░░░░ on 130 000 That ░░░░░░░░ such an oddly specific ░░░░░░░░ I asked Stormy to ░░░░░░░░ on Update and explain ░░░░░░░░ but her agent said ░░░░░░░░ because if she s ░░░░░░░░ on camera with a ░░░░░░░░ guy her price goes ░░░░░░░░ JOST Michael Avenatti the ░░░░░░░░ for Stormy Daniels said ░░░░░░░░ he was speechless after ░░░░░░░░ said that Trump reimbursed ░░░░░░░░ Cohen In fact Avenatti ░░░░░░░░ so speechless that night ░░░░░░░░ only appeared on 20 ░░░░░░░░ on six different networks ░░░░░░░░ The New York Times ░░░░░░░░ published a list of ░░░░░░░░ questions that Robert Mueller ░░░░░░░░ wants to ask President ░░░░░░░░ The first one is ░░░░░░░░ says what Trump is ░░░░░░░░ this probe a trap ░░░░░░░░ questions are only a ░░░░░░░░ if you re lying ░░░░░░░░ you were to ask ░░░░░░░░ husband where were you ░░░░░░░░ night And he said ░░░░░░░░ you trying to trap ░░░░░░░░ He s probably lying ░░░░░░░░ But let s be ░░░░░░░░ trump and his legal ░░░░░░░░ are clearly the ones ░░░░░░░░ leaked these questions And ░░░░░░░░ figured out why Trump ░░░░░░░░ been so desperate to ░░░░░░░░ a decent lawyer that ░░░░░░░░ this point he s ░░░░░░░░ crowd sourcing his legal ░░░░░░░░ He s just throwing ░░░░░░░░ Mueller questions out there ░░░░░░░░ how do you guys ░░░░░░░░ I should respond It ░░░░░░░░ basically the same strategy ░░░░░░░░ s used to pick ░░░░░░░░ new potato chip flavor ░░░░░░░░ could be a smart ░░░░░░░░ for trump or he ░░░░░░░░ end up like lay ░░░░░░░░ with biscuits and gravy ░░░░░░░░ And if I may ░░░░░░░░ the FBI directly why ░░░░░░░░ this taking so long ░░░░░░░░ at trump s team ░░░░░░░░ can t beat them ░░░░░░░░ look like they have ░░░░░░░░ commercial that goes have ░░░░░░░░ been hurt in a ░░░░░░░░ fall Even if you ░░░░░░░░ t have enough evidence ░░░░░░░░ frame them Whatever happened ░░░░░░░░ that Are there different ░░░░░░░░ for white people than ░░░░░░░░ people Because if the ░░░░░░░░ was this incompetent against ░░░░░░░░ a martin Luther king ░░░░░░░░ have died a lot ░░░░░░░░ peacefully in his bed ░░░░░░░░ top of his mistress ░░░░░░░░ This week President Trump ░░░░░░░░ former doctor who by ░░░░░░░░ way I loved on ░░░░░░░░ peaks said that the ░░░░░░░░ letter which described trump ░░░░░░░░ the healthiest individual ever ░░░░░░░░ president was dictated by ░░░░░░░░ himself Which also explains ░░░░░░░░ trump s blood pressure ░░░░░░░░ listed as haters over ░░░░░░░░ White House lawyer Ty ░░░░░░░░ has announced that he ░░░░░░░░ be stepping down at ░░░░░░░░ end of may Cobb ░░░░░░░░ return to his own ░░░░░░░░ of challenging you to ░░░░░░░░ hot air balloon race ░░░░░░░░ the world.”