John Oliver Roasts Schumer for Decades of Stories About Fictional New Yorkers Named ‘the Baileys’

Oliver But I actually ░░░░░░░░ to talk less about ░░░░░░░░ Schumer himself and more ░░░░░░░░ two of his favorite ░░░░░░░░ Joe and Eileen Bailey ░░░░░░░░ re a couple that ░░░░░░░░ Schumer s career he ░░░░░░░░ talked about a lot ░░░░░░░░ starts Schumer They re ░░░░░░░░ middle class couple in ░░░░░░░░ which is a suburb ░░░░░░░░ Long Island Joe and ░░░░░░░░ Bailey this middle class ░░░░░░░░ they bought into Reagan ░░░░░░░░ in 1980 Joe and ░░░░░░░░ are worried about losing ░░░░░░░░ jobs or their friends ░░░░░░░░ The Baileys really don ░░░░░░░░ believe in trickle down ░░░░░░░░ don t believe in ░░░░░░░░ whole lot of government ░░░░░░░░ but they believe in ░░░░░░░░ breaks for kids to ░░░░░░░░ to college He s ░░░░░░░░ insurance adjuster and lives ░░░░░░░░ the New York suburbs ░░░░░░░░ New York standards he ░░░░░░░░ 50 000 a year ░░░░░░░░ he lived in the ░░░░░░░░ of the country he ░░░░░░░░ make 40 000 Wife ░░░░░░░░ in a medical office ░░░░░░░░ makes about 20 000 ░░░░░░░░ might make 15 000 ░░░░░░░░ And you know I ░░░░░░░░ guided my political life ░░░░░░░░ the Baileys Clip ends ░░░░░░░░ The Baileys have guided ░░░░░░░░ Schumer s political life ░░░░░░░░ is a little weird ░░░░░░░░ they don t exist ░░░░░░░░ Seriously he invented them ░░░░░░░░ first introduced the world ░░░░░░░░ the Baileys in his ░░░░░░░░ book Positively American winning ░░░░░░░░ the middle class majority ░░░░░░░░ family at a time ░░░░░░░░ it he mentions the ░░░░░░░░ an astonishing 265 times ░░░░░░░░ 264 pages Laughter But ░░░░░░░░ d apparently been talking ░░░░░░░░ them for years before ░░░░░░░░ book was published One ░░░░░░░░ his former spokespeople said ░░░░░░░░ s always asking what ░░░░░░░░ the Baileys think And ░░░░░░░░ be fair Schumer acknowledges ░░░░░░░░ some may find this ░░░░░░░░ little weird Clip starts ░░░░░░░░ If you ask my ░░░░░░░░ I ve been talking ░░░░░░░░ and talking to the ░░░░░░░░ for 15 years I ░░░░░░░░ conversations with them One ░░░░░░░░ my staffers once said ░░░░░░░░ had imaginary friends to ░░░░░░░░ press Got me in ░░░░░░░░ trouble But these people ░░░░░░░░ real and I respect ░░░░░░░░ and I really love ░░░░░░░░ and I care about ░░░░░░░░ Clip ends Oliver OK ░░░░░░░░ but they re literally ░░░░░░░░ real Chuck Laughter Applause ░░░░░░░░ even if you can ░░░░░░░░ the potential utility of ░░░░░░░░ a prototypical voter in ░░░░░░░░ head this goes way ░░░░░░░░ that because Schumer s ░░░░░░░░ the Baileys an unnecessarily ░░░░░░░░ backstory For instance he ░░░░░░░░ Joe takes off his ░░░░░░░░ and sings along with ░░░░░░░░ national anthem before the ░░░░░░░░ Islanders game OK And ░░░░░░░░ their daughter Megan oh ░░░░░░░░ they ve got kids ░░░░░░░░ the way told Eileen ░░░░░░░░ friend was caught cheating ░░░░░░░░ a quiz Eileen was ░░░░░░░░ because lying is not ░░░░░░░░ in the house ever ░░░░░░░░ Eileen apparently helps with ░░░░░░░░ clothing drive at her ░░░░░░░░ and her father had ░░░░░░░░ prostate cancer scare a ░░░░░░░░ years ago Again this ░░░░░░░░ a made up family ░░░░░░░░ of these people exist ░░░░░░░░ wait I m still ░░░░░░░░ done Apparently Joe Bailey ░░░░░░░░ never have a goatee ░░░░░░░░ watch Sex and the ░░░░░░░░ and Desperate Housewives though ░░░░░░░░ pretends not to like ░░░░░░░░ show They think most ░░░░░░░░ players probably take steroids ░░░░░░░░ if they were to ░░░░░░░░ go out to a ░░░░░░░░ restaurant they would order ░░░░░░░░ Pao chicken That is ░░░░░░░░ J R R Tolkien ░░░░░░░░ of gratuitous backstory and ░░░░░░░░ don t say that ░░░░░░░░ But the Baileys do ░░░░░░░░ to have a lot ░░░░░░░░ Sway over Schumer s ░░░░░░░░ as he s brought ░░░░░░░░ up when discussing everything ░░░░░░░░ the 2008 financial crisis ░░░░░░░░ cybersecurity which he framed ░░░░░░░░ protecting the security the ░░░░░░░░ feel when they go ░░░░░░░░ to buy birthday presents ░░░░░░░░ to hear Schumer tell ░░░░░░░░ the Baileys views can ░░░░░░░░ complicated Clip starts Schumer ░░░░░░░░ Baileys are not anti ░░░░░░░░ but they are anti ░░░░░░░░ immigration They really dislike ░░░░░░░░ Enron executives who stole ░░░░░░░░ but they hate the ░░░░░░░░ who burned the flag ░░░░░░░░ more They are pro ░░░░░░░░ They understand that a ░░░░░░░░ decision like that should ░░░░░░░░ made by the individual ░░░░░░░░ they re glad their ░░░░░░░░ isn t Clip ends ░░░░░░░░ Really Are you sure ░░░░░░░░ that And the more ░░░░░░░░ hear about the Baileys ░░░░░░░░ more it feels like ░░░░░░░░ represent a very particular ░░░░░░░░ of the electorate Schumer ░░░░░░░░ that they supported the ░░░░░░░░ rights and anti Vietnam ░░░░░░░░ movements because they understood ░░░░░░░░ morality was on the ░░░░░░░░ of the protesters But ░░░░░░░░ in the late 60s ░░░░░░░░ those protesters cursed the ░░░░░░░░ veterans and Stokely Carmichael ░░░░░░░░ armed resistance against the ░░░░░░░░ ruling class the Baileys ░░░░░░░░ lost Which fun fact ░░░░░░░░ both a misleading history ░░░░░░░░ the civil rights movement ░░░░░░░░ what people who never ░░░░░░░░ it tend to say ░░░░░░░░ yet Schumer will insist ░░░░░░░░ Baileys concerns are widespread ░░░░░░░░ that they could just ░░░░░░░░ easily have been the ░░░░░░░░ of Port Chester the ░░░░░░░░ of Elk Grove California ░░░░░░░░ the Salims of Dearborn ░░░░░░░░ But crucially for all ░░░░░░░░ talks about how much ░░░░░░░░ loves the Baileys they ░░░░░░░░ t seem to return ░░░░░░░░ love Because in 2021 ░░░░░░░░ explained how the Baileys ░░░░░░░░ voted in the past ░░░░░░░░ presidential elections Clip starts ░░░░░░░░ They voted for Clinton ░░░░░░░░ then they voted for ░░░░░░░░ They re not a ░░░░░░░░ of one party or ░░░░░░░░ They re independent KLEIN ░░░░░░░░ they vote for Donald ░░░░░░░░ Schumer Both of them ░░░░░░░░ in 2016 Joe Bailey ░░░░░░░░ did in 2020 with ░░░░░░░░ But she didn t ░░░░░░░░ ends Oliver Yeah Laughter ░░░░░░░░ Baileys voted for Trump ░░░░░░░░ just this March a ░░░░░░░░ actually got an update ░░░░░░░░ their voting history Clip ░░░░░░░░ Garcia NAVARRO You said ░░░░░░░░ Baileys voted for Trump ░░░░░░░░ 2016 They split Trump ░░░░░░░░ in 2020 I m ░░░░░░░░ who they voted for ░░░░░░░░ 2024 Schumer Probably voted ░░░░░░░░ Trump Probably voted for ░░░░░░░░ But if you ask ░░░░░░░░ why I think they ░░░░░░░░ say above all crime ░░░░░░░░ ends Oliver OK So ░░░░░░░░ recap of the six ░░░░░░░░ the Baileys had across ░░░░░░░░ last three presidential elections ░░░░░░░░ went to Donald Trump ░░░░░░░░ recently because of crime ░░░░░░░░ for what it s ░░░░░░░░ was down in every ░░░░░░░░ last year with violent ░░░░░░░░ at its lowest rate ░░░░░░░░ 20 years They also ░░░░░░░░ the civil rights movement ░░░░░░░░ too far and aren ░░░░░░░░ against immigration just illegal ░░░░░░░░ And this is the ░░░░░░░░ who in Chuck Schumer ░░░░░░░░ own words have guided ░░░░░░░░ political life And at ░░░░░░░░ point it might be ░░░░░░░░ asking is that a ░░░░░░░░ idea Because the truth ░░░░░░░░ Schumer s devotion to ░░░░░░░░ imaginary friends may help ░░░░░░░░ why he and the ░░░░░░░░ Party have been so ░░░░░░░░ in recent years Because ░░░░░░░░ seems to be focusing ░░░░░░░░ huge amount on the ░░░░░░░░ of the Baileys from ░░░░░░░░ Island while forgetting other ░░░░░░░░ actually exist And look ░░░░░░░░ m not saying that ░░░░░░░░ shouldn t think about ░░░░░░░░ his messaging plays with ░░░░░░░░ middle class voters with ░░░░░░░░ right of center views ░░░░░░░░ that they re not ░░░░░░░░ winnable in the future ░░░░░░░░ I am saying is ░░░░░░░░ tailoring your policies so ░░░░░░░░ to them you are ░░░░░░░░ yourself to the right ░░░░░░░░ in doing so could ░░░░░░░░ alienating not only the ░░░░░░░░ of your base but ░░░░░░░░ voters looking for a ░░░░░░░░ that speaks for them ░░░░░░░░ Senator Schumer at least ░░░░░░░░ it comes to formulating ░░░░░░░░ it might be time ░░░░░░░░ break up with the ░░░░░░░░ which really shouldn t ░░░░░░░░ that hard to do ░░░░░░░░ that politically it seems ░░░░░░░░ ve already broken up ░░░░░░░░ you.” (Laughter)