The Bulwark Tim Miller’s ‘Guide to Surviving a MAGA Thanksgiving’: Writing Off Somebody You Love Over ‘F***ing A**hole’ Trump Doesn’t Serve You

[Excerpt MILLER Here we ░░░░░░░░ Thanksgiving mailbag Buckle up ░░░░░░░░ m a 30 year ░░░░░░░░ guy an Obama millennial ░░░░░░░░ Dad voted for Obama ░░░░░░░░ for Romney My parents ░░░░░░░░ I are devastated by ░░░░░░░░ Trump win My two ░░░░░░░░ are not devastated Older ░░░░░░░░ is at Thanksgiving He ░░░░░░░░ your classic Ivy League ░░░░░░░░ Ben Shapiro listening anti ░░░░░░░░ anti anti Trump conservative ░░░░░░░░ made the transition to ░░░░░░░░ Trump supporter t he ░░░░░░░░ not the personality He ░░░░░░░░ in real money bought ░░░░░░░░ great 7 figure house ░░░░░░░░ economic anxiety I have ░░░░░░░░ talking to him about ░░░░░░░░ and anything politics adjacent ░░░░░░░░ used to mix it ░░░░░░░░ but 2020 got too ░░░░░░░░ He said he thinks ░░░░░░░░ won does not believe ░░░░░░░░ election lies but he ░░░░░░░░ my mom he voted ░░░░░░░░ Trump again this year ░░░░░░░░ he votes in a ░░░░░░░░ state We ve lost ░░░░░░░░ a bit no outward ░░░░░░░░ but the weirdness is ░░░░░░░░ the surface when we ░░░░░░░░ together Et cetera et ░░░░░░░░ Makes me sad Et ░░░░░░░░ et cetera makes me ░░░░░░░░ The question How do ░░░░░░░░ suggest I handle Thanksgiving ░░░░░░░░ ll be with him ░░░░░░░░ a few days and ░░░░░░░░ election will come up ░░░░░░░░ boomer dad will say ░░░░░░░░ Do I say little ░░░░░░░░ and change the topic ░░░░░░░░ warrior Do I get ░░░░░░░░ real Not sure how ░░░░░░░░ balance the Disrespectful Devil ░░░░░░░░ one shoulder and the ░░░░░░░░ Pluralism Angel on the ░░░░░░░░ shoulder I had a ░░░░░░░░ question from another reader ░░░░░░░░ you have tips for ░░░░░░░░ with people like my ░░░░░░░░ who watches fake news ░░░░░░░░ non news Patrick Bet ░░░░░░░░ Joe Rogan et cetera ░░░░░░░░ knows literally nothing about ░░░░░░░░ is actually happening but ░░░░░░░░ to instigate discussions He ░░░░░░░░ shuts down and goes ░░░░░░░░ denial anger mode when ░░░░░░░░ with counterpoints I m ░░░░░░░░ skipping Thanksgiving with him ░░░░░░░░ year for that reason ░░░░░░░░ have many other meals ░░░░░░░░ All right I just ░░░░░░░░ to start here This ░░░░░░░░ hard and it s ░░░░░░░░ Everybody s dealing with ░░░░░░░░ at some level It ░░░░░░░░ different than it was ░░░░░░░░ the past For younger ░░░░░░░░ it wasn t always ░░░░░░░░ this And here s ░░░░░░░░ I think that is ░░░░░░░░ in the Trump era ░░░░░░░░ think that there really ░░░░░░░░ moral dimension to how ░░░░░░░░ view politics has really ░░░░░░░░ And there were some ░░░░░░░░ who had very strong ░░░░░░░░ held views about politics ░░░░░░░░ all of history and ░░░░░░░░ were moral elements to ░░░░░░░░ But kind of in ░░░░░░░░ modern era there you ░░░░░░░░ was a period of ░░░░░░░░ where you felt like ░░░░░░░░ family or your friends ░░░░░░░░ might have bad ideas ░░░░░░░░ mistaken views and that ░░░░░░░░ was OK You know ░░░░░░░░ didn t necessarily mean ░░░░░░░░ they were a bad ░░░░░░░░ you just disagreed And ░░░░░░░░ s gotten hard in ░░░░░░░░ Trump years And whether ░░░░░░░░ not we want to ░░░░░░░░ it or say it ░░░░░░░░ is a lot of ░░░░░░░░ have kind of concluded ░░░░░░░░ at some deep level ░░░░░░░░ people that we disagree ░░░░░░░░ that went for Trump ░░░░░░░░ t just have bad ░░░░░░░░ Like they are bad ░░░░░░░░ some level And you ░░░░░░░░ to get into a ░░░░░░░░ therapy talk here one ░░░░░░░░ the things you go ░░░░░░░░ when you re dealing ░░░░░░░░ your own issues as ░░░░░░░░ have is there s ░░░░░░░░ difference in definition between ░░░░░░░░ and shame right Guilt ░░░░░░░░ this feeling that you ░░░░░░░░ done something bad while ░░░░░░░░ is this kind of ░░░░░░░░ that you are bad ░░░░░░░░ some deep level And ░░░░░░░░ is kind of like ░░░░░░░░ external version of that ░░░░░░░░ Like rather than feeling ░░░░░░░░ somebody made a bad ░░░░░░░░ you re feeling like ░░░░░░░░ they have that there ░░░░░░░░ something deeper there And ░░░░░░░░ kind of changes the ░░░░░░░░ naturally Like it changes ░░░░░░░░ you view people And ░░░░░░░░ I I don t ░░░░░░░░ that there s anything ░░░░░░░░ I can say that ░░░░░░░░ like fix that right ░░░░░░░░ can t trick yourself ░░░░░░░░ not thinking that And ░░░░░░░░ what I can say ░░░░░░░░ this is that fundamentally ░░░░░░░░ we re all we ░░░░░░░░ are sinners We just ░░░░░░░░ Like we all have ░░░░░░░░ impulses bad thoughts We ░░░░░░░░ all made bad actions ░░░░░░░░ writing off somebody you ░░░░░░░░ over this f ing ░░░░░░░░ hole that s going ░░░░░░░░ be the president like ░░░░░░░░ t really serve you ░░░░░░░░ and it doesn t ░░░░░░░░ them and it doesn ░░░░░░░░ really serve anybody It ░░░░░░░░ t do anything of ░░░░░░░░ And it doesn t ░░░░░░░░ you have to let ░░░░░░░░ off the hook or ░░░░░░░░ your views about them ░░░░░░░░ it does mean that ░░░░░░░░ of reframing it in ░░░░░░░░ head in the context ░░░░░░░░ like there are certain ░░░░░░░░ that you look past ░░░░░░░░ friends in your life ░░░░░░░░ know and other family ░░░░░░░░ It s not like ░░░░░░░░ that voted for Kamala ░░░░░░░░ is a f ing ░░░░░░░░ you know But you ░░░░░░░░ it right You look ░░░░░░░░ it You look at ░░░░░░░░ better the good traits ░░░░░░░░ went through this when ░░░░░░░░ was coming out with ░░░░░░░░ that didn t react ░░░░░░░░ to it And I ░░░░░░░░ determined that they you ░░░░░░░░ I was resentful and ░░░░░░░░ and like thought that ░░░░░░░░ and and thought bad ░░░░░░░░ about them And that ░░░░░░░░ t serve me And ░░░░░░░░ don t I got ░░░░░░░░ that And it s ░░░░░░░░ a lot healthier to ░░░░░░░░ past it I have ░░░░░░░░ family right now that ░░░░░░░░ going through the same ░░░░░░░░ thing as these questioners ░░░░░░░░ they you know how ░░░░░░░░ or whether at all ░░░░░░░░ see their close loved ░░░░░░░░ as as being affected ░░░░░░░░ their political support And ░░░░░░░░ just it makes me ░░░░░░░░ And it s it ░░░░░░░░ not the right approach ░░░░░░░░ though it might feel ░░░░░░░░ Because cutting people off ░░░░░░░░ this or blocking yourself ░░░░░░░░ from them emotionally is ░░░░░░░░ the worst of bad ░░░░░░░░ I want to caveat ░░░░░░░░ here I m talking ░░░░░░░░ actual loved ones You ░░░░░░░░ if you have an ░░░░░░░░ Rufus who s an ░░░░░░░░ hole that you re ░░░░░░░░ that close to you ░░░░░░░░ feel free to let ░░░░░░░░ go But for brothers ░░░░░░░░ friends for people that ░░░░░░░░ re close to my ░░░░░░░░ is not going to ░░░░░░░░ that satisfying but here ░░░░░░░░ goes Try to find ░░░░░░░░ things to talk about ░░░░░░░░ talk about sports watch ░░░░░░░░ Ask them about some ░░░░░░░░ part of their life ░░░░░░░░ them talking They ve ░░░░░░░░ to have other interests ░░░░░░░░ them about work Ask ░░░░░░░░ about their dating life ░░░░░░░░ them about whatever Pick ░░░░░░░░ brains you know They ░░░░░░░░ to have other things ░░░░░░░░ they like to talk ░░░░░░░░ If you know your ░░░░░░░░ dad or whoever it ░░░░░░░░ and the questioner forces ░░░░░░░░ conversation having a little ░░░░░░░░ and then cooling off ░░░░░░░░ that s not the ░░░░░░░░ thing OK That s ░░░░░░░░ We all that all ░░░░░░░░ We ve I ve ░░░░░░░░ I ve been there ░░░░░░░░ long as you re ░░░░░░░░ saying things that you ░░░░░░░░ going to regret having ░░░░░░░░ little argument s OK ░░░░░░░░ s better than not ░░░░░░░░ You know what else ░░░░░░░░ better than not engaging ░░░░░░░░ sitting together and being ░░░░░░░░ and eating and being ░░░░░░░░ little bit more distant ░░░░░░░░ you d wish That ░░░░░░░░ melancholy for sure That ░░░░░░░░ not probably what you ░░░░░░░░ for that relationship And ░░░░░░░░ is there s a ░░░░░░░░ there There s a ░░░░░░░░ there But still you ░░░░░░░░ together And the alternative ░░░░░░░░ going to lead to ░░░░░░░░ And you don t ░░░░░░░░ to compound your torment ░░░░░░░░ adding adding something you ░░░░░░░░ regret on top of ░░░░░░░░ One last thing speaking ░░░░░░░░ experience Less might be ░░░░░░░░ when it comes to ░░░░░░░░ if things are really ░░░░░░░░ I know that there ░░░░░░░░ a gag about how ░░░░░░░░ re going to be ░░░░░░░░ you re going to ░░░░░░░░ drinking you re going ░░░░░░░░ be having wine you ░░░░░░░░ going to deal with ░░░░░░░░ family members That might ░░░░░░░░ right if it s ░░░░░░░░ a low level disagreement ░░░░░░░░ frustration But if it ░░░░░░░░ deep seated disagreement and ░░░░░░░░ less is more when ░░░░░░░░ comes to alcohol So ░░░░░░░░ Thanksgiving everybody Enjoy that ░░░░░░░░ all of you that ░░░░░░░░ blessed to not have ░░░░░░░░ deal with this appreciate ░░░░░░░░ blessing and and savor ░░░░░░░░ Because you know this ░░░░░░░░ comes for all of ░░░░░░░░