[Applause Welcome one and ░░░░░░░░ to The Late Show ░░░░░░░░ m your host Steven ░░░░░░░░ folks it has been ░░░░░░░░ long has it been ░░░░░░░░ days four days it ░░░░░░░░ been four days since ░░░░░░░░ Biden s historic announcement ░░░░░░░░ he is dropping out ░░░░░░░░ the 2024 presidential race ░░░░░░░░ last night in what ░░░░░░░░ to me a very ░░░░░░░░ Oval Office address Biden ░░░░░░░░ his choice to the ░░░░░░░░ people I rever this ░░░░░░░░ but I love my ░░░░░░░░ more it s been ░░░░░░░░ honor of my life ░░░░░░░░ serve as your president ░░░░░░░░ but in the defense ░░░░░░░░ democracy which is a ░░░░░░░░ I think is more ░░░░░░░░ than any title that ░░░░░░░░ and self sacrifice is ░░░░░░░░ beautiful and truly patriotic ░░░░░░░░ a refreshing change from ░░░░░░░░ last guy you cannot ░░░░░░░░ you cannot imagine for ░░░░░░░░ moment once the speech ░░░░░░░░ done Biden joined staff ░░░░░░░░ in the Rose Garden ░░░░░░░░ ice cream Not only ░░░░░░░░ that there an ice ░░░░░░░░ cream party sources say ░░░░░░░░ Biden also had a ░░░░░░░░ time in the bouncy ░░░░░░░░ Biden s address was ░░░░░░░░ sincere and exactly what ░░░░░░░░ country needed so naturally ░░░░░░░░ hated it he spent ░░░░░░░░ of the evening at ░░░░░░░░ North Carolina rally focused ░░░░░░░░ the real issue gripping ░░░░░░░░ country desperately workshopping a ░░░░░░░░ nickname for kamla Harris ░░░░░░░░ now we have a ░░░░░░░░ victim to defeat lion ░░░░░░░░ Harris lion ly I ░░░░░░░░ apost k is in ░░░░░░░░ a as in Amala ░░░░░░░░ as in Malala a ░░░░░░░░ in ah L as ░░░░░░░░ Lion comma l y ░░░░░░░░ n apostrophe oh God ░░░░░░░░ m back at the ░░░░░░░░ again ever since the ░░░░░░░░ attack two weeks ago ░░░░░░░░ s been speculating that ░░░░░░░░ might get a Kindler ░░░░░░░░ Trump including Trump you ░░░░░░░░ I was supposed to ░░░░░░░░ nice they see something ░░░░░░░░ to me when I ░░░░░░░░ shot I became nice ░░░░░░░░ violence often makes people ░░░░░░░░ nicer it s just ░░░░░░░░ that famous scene in ░░░░░░░░ Princess Bride my name ░░░░░░░░ yigo Montoya you killed ░░░░░░░░ father prepare to cuddle ░░░░░░░░ Trump continued and when ░░░░░░░░ re dealing with these ░░░░░░░░ they re very dangerous ░░░░░░░░ when you re dealing ░░░░░░░░ them you can t ░░░░░░░░ too nice you really ░░░░░░░░ t be so if ░░░░░░░░ don t mind I ░░░░░░░░ not going to be ░░░░░░░░ is that okay I ░░░░░░░░ not they want me ░░░░░░░░ be nice National Unity ░░░░░░░░ of death 6 20 ░░░░░░░░ M Trump also updated ░░░░░░░░ classic for Kamala Harris ░░░░░░░░ don t want you ░░░░░░░░ Cala you re fired ░░░░░░░░ out of here you ░░░░░░░░ fired that s a ░░░░░░░░ year old reference Kamala ░░░░░░░░ re fired stop trying ░░░░░░░░ make fetch happen Camala ░░░░░░░░ Eyes Full Hearts can ░░░░░░░░ lose it s true ░░░░░░░░ big guy came up ░░░░░░░░ me with tears in ░░░░░░░░ guys great big eye ░░░░░░░░ cries says to me ░░░░░░░░ a now Trump said ░░░░░░░░ lot of crazy stuff ░░░░░░░░ there s an explanation ░░░░░░░░ that he crazy you ░░░░░░░░ to say the late ░░░░░░░░ Hannibal Lector okay they ░░░░░░░░ why would he mentioned ░░░░░░░░ Lector he must be ░░░░░░░░ in trouble no no ░░░░░░░░ these are real stories ░░░░░░░░ no those are real ░░░░░░░░ saw story saw a ░░░░░░░░ story about a hot ░░░░░░░░ mermaid no legs so ░░░░░░░░ made a terrible deal ░░░░░░░░ a nasty octopus woman ░░░░░░░░ think it was Rosie ░░░░░░░░ Donnell not sure now ░░░░░░░░ only friend is a ░░░░░░░░ Jamaican crab crabs are ░░░░░░░░ into our country by ░░░░░░░░ Folks by thingamabobs let ░░░░░░░░ tell you they got ░░░░░░░░ s it and what ░░░░░░░░ its Galore I want ░░░░░░░░ be where the people ░░░░░░░░ he also offered this ░░░░░░░░ Camala even wants to ░░░░░░░░ laws to Outlaw red ░░░░░░░░ to stop climate change ░░░░░░░░ she is you know ░░░░░░░░ that means that means ░░░░░░░░ more cows you know ░░░░░░░░ is serious no this ░░░░░░░░ no more cows I ░░░░░░░░ eventually she s going ░░░░░░░░ mean no more people ░░░░░░░░ no more people so ░░░░░░░░ I understand him and ░░░░░░░░ hope I don t ░░░░░░░░ only exist because we ░░░░░░░░ them but people exist ░░░░░░░░ that means someone must ░░░░░░░░ eating people I mean ░░░░░░░░ Could That Be the ░░░░░░░░ great Hannah Lector it ░░░░░░░░ all doing this it ░░░░░░░░ all coming together it ░░░░░░░░ all there you go ░░░░░░░░ got a couple I ░░░░░░░░ a couple KLA Harris ░░░░░░░░ holding much better rallies ░░░░░░░░ now today she was ░░░░░░░░ in Texas talking to ░░░░░░░░ teachers union where she ░░░░░░░░ out the stakes of ░░░░░░░░ election in this moment ░░░░░░░░ are in a fight ░░░░░░░░ our most fundamental freedoms ░░░░░░░░ to this room of ░░░░░░░░ I say Bring it ░░░░░░░░ Bring It Applause On ░░░░░░░░ are so fired up ░░░░░░░░ they are voting on ░░░░░░░░ movie to watch after ░░░░░░░░ rally Bring It On ░░░░░░░░ one with kired and ░░░░░░░░ not the sequels maybe ░░░░░░░░ Perfect I love Anna ░░░░░░░░ all this energy seems ░░░░░░░░ be attracting the youths ░░░░░░░░ there CU in an ░░░░░░░░ poll Harris leads among ░░░░░░░░ to 34 year olds ░░░░░░░░ to 40 yes that ░░░░░░░░ nice yes oh yes ░░░░░░░░ we youth love KLA ░░░░░░░░ dab on my Riz ░░░░░░░░ I am one of ░░░░░░░░ or I will be ░░░░░░░░ this vacation Harris received ░░░░░░░░ boost uh among the ░░░░░░░░ after singer Charlie XX ░░░░░░░░ kamla is brat but ░░░░░░░░ a bunch of middle ░░░░░░░░ news droops jumped on ░░░░░░░░ trend the music site ░░░░░░░░ has declared brat summer ░░░░░░░░ Dead goodbye brat summer ░░░░░░░░ hardly knew what ye ░░░░░░░░ so now we say ░░░░░░░░ fond farewell in dance ░░░░░░░░ Music will will Music ░░░░░░░░ Music Applause Music the ░░░░░░░░ election has been plagued ░░░░░░░░ a precedented amount of ░░░░░░░░ which is why the ░░░░░░░░ of journalism right now ░░░░░░░░ so important so I ░░░░░░░░ to salute the Associated ░░░░░░░░ for their report today ░░░░░░░░ Vance did not have ░░░░░░░░ a couch there s ░░░░░░░░ lot going on in ░░░░░░░░ headline let let me ░░░░░░░░ me break it down ░░░░░░░░ multiple social media accounts ░░░░░░░░ fake claims that in ░░░░░░░░ book hillbilly elegy Vance ░░░░░░░░ having sex with a ░░░░░░░░ of course this isn ░░░░░░░░ our nation s first ░░░░░░░░ sex political Scandal we ░░░░░░░░ remember when Bill Clinton ░░░░░░░░ this I did not ░░░░░░░░ sexual relations with that ░░░░░░░░ the sofa stopping ations ░░░░░░░░ disturbingly specific see according ░░░░░░░░ one tweet in his ░░░░░░░░ JD Vance described having ░░░░░░░░ with a rubber glove ░░░░░░░░ between cushions on his ░░░░░░░░ where does someone even ░░░░░░░░ an idea like that ░░░░░░░░ blame those filthy Ikea ░░░░░░░░ wow wow fugle board ░░░░░░░░ board reportedly a a ░░░░░░░░ search of Vance s ░░░░░░░░ yielded 10 references to ░░░░░░░░ couches but at no ░░░░░░░░ is the furniture engaged ░░░░░░░░ Kus of course not ░░░░░░░░ course not JD Vance ░░░░░░░░ a very religious conservative ░░░░░░░░ knows it s Adam ░░░░░░░░ Eve not Raymore and ░░░░░░░░ this just shows how ░░░░░░░░ a problem misinformation can ░░░░░░░░ even a well meaning ░░░░░░░░ check can wind up ░░░░░░░░ a false story so ░░░░░░░░ of us all of ░░░░░░░░ please have a responsibility ░░░░░░░░ stop the spread of ░░░░░░░░ rumors like JD Vance ░░░░░░░░ sex with a couch ░░░░░░░░ it s simply not ░░░░░░░░ which is why we ░░░░░░░░ to refuse to use ░░░░░░░░ hashtag cushion pushing JD ░░░░░░░░ and that s why ░░░░░░░░ certainly that s why ░░░░░░░░ certainly won t ever ░░░░░░░░ the Juvenile chant JD ░░░░░░░░ is sitting on a ░░░░░░░░ his PP hit the ░░░░░░░░ and ouch this is ░░░░░░░░ s the thing there ░░░░░░░░ one troubling twist to ░░░░░░░░ story because as of ░░░░░░░░ morning the AP had ░░░░░░░░ their fact check which ░░░░░░░░ mean only one of ░░░░░░░░ things either the original ░░░░░░░░ does not meet the ░░░░░░░░ s rigorous standards or ░░░░░░░░ Vance had sex with ░░░░░░░░ couch we got a ░░░░░░░░ show for you tonight ░░░░░░░░ guest K heart and ░░░░░░░░ Erica rose with when ░░░░░░░░ come back by Tech ░░░░░░░░ Cy orgasm join us ░░░░░░░░ t you citizens Applause ░░░░░░░░ Applause] w [Applause] [Music]