SNL Goes Hard After Biden in Blistering Cold Open, Skewers the Narrative That He’s ‘Incredible’ When He’s ‘Behind Closed Doors’

ACTRESS PLAYING Dana Bash ░░░░░░░░ afternoon I m Dana ░░░░░░░░ and welcome to Inside ░░░░░░░░ Cheering and Applause Coming ░░░░░░░░ we ll give Wolf ░░░░░░░░ an edible and an ░░░░░░░░ to solve the Middle ░░░░░░░░ But first on Tuesday ░░░░░░░░ Joe Biden won the ░░░░░░░░ primary but a New ░░░░░░░░ Times poll today has ░░░░░░░░ down five points and ░░░░░░░░ voters still have concerns ░░░░░░░░ his age Here with ░░░░░░░░ is governor of California ░░░░░░░░ Biden advocate Gavin Newsom ░░░░░░░░ PLAYING Gavin Newsom Great ░░░░░░░░ be with you Dana ░░░░░░░░ understand people care about ░░░░░░░░ president s age but ░░░░░░░░ should care about is ░░░░░░░░ record Look at what ░░░░░░░░ Biden has done for ░░░░░░░░ He s created more ░░░░░░░░ than any president in ░░░░░░░░ inflation is down the ░░░░░░░░ shake is back and ░░░░░░░░ has gone country Thank ░░░░░░░░ Joe ACTRESS PLAYING Dana ░░░░░░░░ Right But can he ░░░░░░░░ that case with the ░░░░░░░░ and sharpness that someone ░░░░░░░░ you can ACTOR PLAYING ░░░░░░░░ Newsom Dana he Joe ░░░░░░░░ do it better I ░░░░░░░░ just with him Behind ░░░░░░░░ doors Joe is incredible ░░░░░░░░ we had a big ░░░░░░░░ about the border and ░░░░░░░░ he had such command ░░░░░░░░ had charts tables PowerPoints ░░░░░░░░ had an interactive AR ░░░░░░░░ on the Apple Vision ░░░░░░░░ that he programmed himself ░░░░░░░░ software might be in ░░░░░░░░ but the man he ░░░░░░░░ an alpha ACTRESS PLAYING ░░░░░░░░ Bash Governor I have ░░░░░░░░ admit I m a ░░░░░░░░ skeptical This is the ░░░░░░░░ man people call Sleepy ░░░░░░░░ ACTOR PLAYING Gavin Newsom ░░░░░░░░ he has to sleep ░░░░░░░░ But even when he ░░░░░░░░ sleeping he s on ░░░░░░░░ other day he was ░░░░░░░░ a nap and I ░░░░░░░░ a baseball at him ░░░░░░░░ he caught it like ░░░░░░░░ in Awakening Lightning quick ░░░░░░░░ ask any of the ░░░░░░░░ who are with him ░░░░░░░░ day ACTRESS PLAYING Dana ░░░░░░░░ Very well Let s ░░░░░░░░ live to Washington with ░░░░░░░░ House press secretary Karine ░░░░░░░░ Pierre ACTRESS PLAYING Karine ░░░░░░░░ Pierre Hello Dana Pleasure ░░░░░░░░ be with you to ░░░░░░░░ about the most vigorous ░░░░░░░░ I ve ever known ░░░░░░░░ Biden ACTRESS PLAYING Dana ░░░░░░░░ Really ACTRESS PLAYING Karine ░░░░░░░░ Pierre Absolutely I was ░░░░░░░░ with him and behind ░░░░░░░░ doors he s a ░░░░░░░░ I mean Dana look ░░░░░░░░ his schedule 7 00 ░░░░░░░░ M soul cycle class ░░░░░░░░ I m not talking ░░░░░░░░ taking one he leads ░░░░░░░░ 8 30 A M ░░░░░░░░ speed chess in the ░░░░░░░░ 8 32 A M ░░░░░░░░ chess game points at ░░░░░░░░ and says Next time ░░░░░░░░ blood 9 30 A ░░░░░░░░ meet with Joint Chiefs ░░░░░░░░ a military strategy meeting ░░░░░░░░ push up contest 10 ░░░░░░░░ A M wins contest ░░░░░░░░ at the head of ░░░░░░░░ Joint Chiefs and says ░░░░░░░░ time young blood 10 ░░░░░░░░ to 11 00 train ░░░░░░░░ And that s all ░░░░░░░░ a lunch where he ░░░░░░░░ five whole chickens and ░░░░░░░░ raw potato ACTRESS PLAYING ░░░░░░░░ Bash Karine Biden is ░░░░░░░░ years old Isn t ░░░░░░░░ a little concerning ACTRESS ░░░░░░░░ Karine Jean Pierre Only ░░░░░░░░ you re scared of ░░░░░░░░ Look Joe Biden was ░░░░░░░░ years old before Roe ░░░░░░░░ Wade was instated so ░░░░░░░░ know he was smashing ░░░░░░░░ dealt with those restrictions ░░░░░░░░ as a young handsome ░░░░░░░░ and he can deal ░░░░░░░░ them now as an ░░░░░░░░ even more handsome man ░░░░░░░░ anyone who works with ░░░░░░░░ closely ACTRESS PLAYING Dana ░░░░░░░░ Well let s do ░░░░░░░░ We are now joined ░░░░░░░░ by Secretary of Homeland ░░░░░░░░ Alejandro Mayorkas ACTOR PLAYING ░░░░░░░░ Mayorkas Thanks for having ░░░░░░░░ Dana I mean I ░░░░░░░░ exhausted I was with ░░░░░░░░ Biden for the past ░░░░░░░░ and phew he wiped ░░░░░░░░ out ACTRESS PLAYING Dana ░░░░░░░░ Okay so you feel ░░░░░░░░ s up to the ░░░░░░░░ ACTOR PLAYING Alejandro Mayorkas ░░░░░░░░ I was just with ░░░░░░░░ and behind closed doors ░░░░░░░░ s a dynamo This ░░░░░░░░ we both went down ░░░░░░░░ the border town of ░░░░░░░░ Texas and Joe went ░░░░░░░░ beast mode He said ░░░░░░░░ gotta tighten this border ░░░░░░░░ how easy I can ░░░░░░░░ it Then he parkoured ░░░░░░░░ to the top of ░░░░░░░░ border wall he front ░░░░░░░░ into the Rio Grande ░░░░░░░░ came back up with ░░░░░░░░ fish in his mouth ░░░░░░░░ you didn t report ░░░░░░░░ because it doesn t ░░░░░░░░ your little narrative ACTRESS ░░░░░░░░ Dana Bash Well with ░░░░░░░░ due respect it doesn ░░░░░░░░ fit reality ACTOR PLAYING ░░░░░░░░ Newsom Oh please Dana ░░░░░░░░ were all just with ░░░░░░░░ If you don t ░░░░░░░░ us just ask a ░░░░░░░░ friend of mine one ░░░░░░░░ the NBA s fiercest ░░░░░░░░ Golden State Warriors forward ░░░░░░░░ Green ACTRESS PLAYING Dana ░░░░░░░░ Let s go live ░░░░░░░░ San Francisco Hello Mr ░░░░░░░░ ACTOR PLAYING Draymond Green ░░░░░░░░ what s up Dana ░░░░░░░░ we talking about Joe ░░░░░░░░ Because he got that ░░░░░░░░ in him ACTRESS PLAYING ░░░░░░░░ Bash You met the ░░░░░░░░ ACTOR PLAYING Draymond Green ░░░░░░░░ was just with him ░░░░░░░░ behind closed doors he ░░░░░░░░ strong Joe got that ░░░░░░░░ monkey strip And he ░░░░░░░░ jump That man can ░░░░░░░░ so high that I ░░░░░░░░ him grab a dollar ░░░░░░░░ the top of a ░░░░░░░░ board and leave some ░░░░░░░░ Did you know he ░░░░░░░░ on me ACTRESS PLAYING ░░░░░░░░ Bash He dunked on ░░░░░░░░ ACTOR PLAYING Draymond Green ░░░░░░░░ yeah It was disrespectful ░░░░░░░░ He windmilled in my ░░░░░░░░ and he talked about ░░░░░░░░ next time young blood ░░░░░░░░ wasn t having it ░░░░░░░░ I tried to punch ░░░░░░░░ in the nuts and ░░░░░░░░ broke three fingers You ░░░░░░░░ t mess with Joe ░░░░░░░░ ACTRESS PLAYING Dana Bash ░░░░░░░░ I have to say ░░░░░░░░ all know the stakes ░░░░░░░░ You don t have ░░░░░░░░ exaggerate to make voters ░░░░░░░░ better ACTOR PLAYING Gavin ░░░░░░░░ I m not What ░░░░░░░░ are saying about Biden ░░░░░░░░ true You want to ░░░░░░░░ him Let s Face ░░░░░░░░ him I ll bet ░░░░░░░░ s probably just right ░░░░░░░░ the middle of a ░░░░░░░░ ride All right can ░░░░░░░░ put my phone up ░░░░░░░░ the screen ACTOR PLAYING ░░░░░░░░ Biden Hey Hey all ░░░░░░░░ It s Gavin Newsom ░░░░░░░░ PLAYING Gavin Newsom Mr ░░░░░░░░ ACTOR PLAYING Joe Biden ░░░░░░░░ hold on I m ░░░░░░░░ going to turn up ░░░░░░░░ volume Just gotta find ░░░░░░░░ button There we go ░░░░░░░░ PLAYING Gavin Newsom Well ░░░░░░░░ like he hung up ░░░░░░░░ PLAYING Dana Bash Well ░░░░░░░░ the governor tries to ░░░░░░░░ him back on the ░░░░░░░░ let s take a ░░░░░░░░ and live from New ░░░░░░░░ it’s Saturday night!”