Shane Gillis: ‘Remember When You Were Just a Gay Little Boy?’ When You Were Your Mom’s Bestfriend?

ANNOUNCER Ladies and gentlemen ░░░░░░░░ Gillis GILLIS Thank you ░░░░░░░░ you Thank you very ░░░░░░░░ Yeah I m here ░░░░░░░░ of you probably have ░░░░░░░░ idea who I am ░░░░░░░░ was actually I was ░░░░░░░░ from this show a ░░░░░░░░ ago but you know ░░░░░░░░ t look that up ░░░░░░░░ If you don t ░░░░░░░░ who I am please ░░░░░░░░ t Google that It ░░░░░░░░ fine don t even ░░░░░░░░ about it I don ░░░░░░░░ know this is I ░░░░░░░░ shouldn t be up ░░░░░░░░ honestly I should be ░░░░░░░░ I should be I ░░░░░░░░ be a high school ░░░░░░░░ coach That s what ░░░░░░░░ should be Like God ░░░░░░░░ me perfectly to be ░░░░░░░░ high school football coach ░░░░░░░░ grade sex education teacher ░░░░░░░░ All right But that ░░░░░░░░ what I want to ░░░░░░░░ That is you know ░░░░░░░░ could feel it it ░░░░░░░░ like my true calling ░░░░░░░░ yeah I can feel ░░░░░░░░ I m getting older ░░░░░░░░ s passing me by ░░░░░░░░ m like My biological ░░░░░░░░ is ticking on this ░░░░░░░░ You know how like ░░░░░░░░ a woman s biological ░░░░░░░░ is ticking she sees ░░░░░░░░ a baby in a ░░░░░░░░ and is like oh ░░░░░░░░ God what a cute ░░░░░░░░ That s how I ░░░░░░░░ I see like a ░░░░░░░░ 15 year old I ░░░░░░░░ like oh my God ░░░░░░░░ at the size of ░░░░░░░░ thing With the right ░░░░░░░░ that kid could be ░░░░░░░░ special I m telling ░░░░░░░░ right now Laughter I ░░░░░░░░ I come from a ░░░░░░░░ line of coaches in ░░░░░░░░ family My father s ░░░░░░░░ a volunteer assistant girls ░░░░░░░░ school basketball coach He ░░░░░░░░ actually here right now ░░░░░░░░ you get him on ░░░░░░░░ Yeah Cheering and Applause ░░░░░░░░ he is That s ░░░░░░░░ dad the volunteer assistant ░░░░░░░░ high school basketball coach ░░░░░░░░ I know it s ░░░░░░░░ You don think that ░░░░░░░░ funny to bring my ░░░░░░░░ here to make fun ░░░░░░░░ him for being a ░░░░░░░░ high school basketball coach ░░░░░░░░ right I thought it ░░░░░░░░ great Never mind I ░░░░░░░░ that was gonna be ░░░░░░░░ big hit here Now ░░░░░░░░ mom s up there ░░░░░░░░ him My mom I ░░░░░░░░ not going to make ░░░░░░░░ of you Laughter My ░░░░░░░░ asked me this line ░░░░░░░░ s kind of an ░░░░░░░░ question My mom asked ░░░░░░░░ she s like When ░░░░░░░░ we stop being best ░░░░░░░░ And she s right ░░░░░░░░ used to be best ░░░░░░░░ You remember that when ░░░░░░░░ re a little boy ░░░░░░░░ you re like you ░░░░░░░░ your mom and you ░░░░░░░░ she was the cool ░░░░░░░░ remember when you were ░░░░░░░░ Laughter You remember when ░░░░░░░░ were just a gay ░░░░░░░░ boy Every little boy ░░░░░░░░ just their mom s ░░░░░░░░ best friend There s ░░░░░░░░ zero difference Laughter I ░░░░░░░░ gay for my mom ░░░░░░░░ would pick me up ░░░░░░░░ school I d hop ░░░░░░░░ the van I d ░░░░░░░░ like Girl tell me ░░░░░░░░ your day I thought ░░░░░░░░ was cool I d ░░░░░░░░ to her music I ░░░░░░░░ be like Bam bam ░░░░░░░░ dam bam bam Let ░░░░░░░░ go girls I would ░░░░░░░░ for She d be ░░░░░░░░ Look at my little ░░░░░░░░ Laughter But my mom ░░░░░░░░ me when we stopped ░░░░░░░░ best friends and I ░░░░░░░░ t I don t ░░░░░░░░ the heart to tell ░░░░░░░░ because like most men ░░░░░░░░ know exactly when me ░░░░░░░░ my mom stopped being ░░░░░░░░ It was the first ░░░░░░░░ I whacked off Laughter ░░░░░░░░ before before that you ░░░░░░░░ like Oh where s ░░░░░░░░ mom I love my ░░░░░░░░ She s so cool ░░░░░░░░ nut and you re ░░░░░░░░ When is that b ░░░░░░░░ gonna leave the house ░░░░░░░░ I have so much ░░░░░░░░ to attend to All ░░░░░░░░ I hope I could ░░░░░░░░ those words on TV ░░░░░░░░ Anyway my whole family ░░░░░░░░ here so I ll ░░░░░░░░ about them instead of ░░░░░░░░ else I ll talk ░░░░░░░░ my family I ll ░░░░░░░░ you this I don ░░░░░░░░ know if you guys ░░░░░░░░ can tell by looking ░░░░░░░░ me but I do ░░░░░░░░ family members with Down ░░░░░░░░ It almost got me ░░░░░░░░ I dodged it but ░░░░░░░░ nicked me It nicked ░░░░░░░░ It s funny because ░░░░░░░░ I don t have ░░░░░░░░ material that can be ░░░░░░░░ TV all right I ░░░░░░░░ trying my best Also ░░░░░░░░ place is extremely well ░░░░░░░░ I can see everyone ░░░░░░░░ enjoying it Laughter This ░░░░░░░░ yeah this is the ░░░░░░░░ nervous I ve ever ░░░░░░░░ Don t clap now ░░░░░░░░ up Laughter No I ░░░░░░░░ about I brought up ░░░░░░░░ Syndrome You can always ░░░░░░░░ who s never been ░░░░░░░░ Down Syndrome when you ░░░░░░░░ it up Like you ░░░░░░░░ people Yeah I have ░░░░░░░░ members with Down Syndrome ░░░░░░░░ who have never been ░░░░░░░░ it are always like ░░░░░░░░ Like it s the ░░░░░░░░ of the world like ░░░░░░░░ they okay How are ░░░░░░░░ doing It s like ░░░░░░░░ re doing better than ░░░░░░░░ I know Laughter They ░░░░░░░░ the only ones having ░░░░░░░░ good time pretty consistently ░░░░░░░░ re not worried about ░░░░░░░░ election Laughter They re ░░░░░░░░ a good time My ░░░░░░░░ my niece has Down ░░░░░░░░ I thought that was ░░░░░░░░ to get a bigger ░░░░░░░░ Laughter I thought you ░░░░░░░░ fund that funny But ░░░░░░░░ my niece has Down ░░░░░░░░ It s a funny ░░░░░░░░ that happens when someone ░░░░░░░░ your family has Down ░░░░░░░░ and it goes when ░░░░░░░░ sister was pregnant everybody ░░░░░░░░ like very very scared ░░░░░░░░ then once once they ░░░░░░░░ in your life you ░░░░░░░░ that s easily the ░░░░░░░░ good member of your ░░░░░░░░ family It s crazy ░░░░░░░░ then your family gets ░░░░░░░░ too proud Like now ░░░░░░░░ single day my family ░░░░░░░░ group text it s ░░░░░░░░ pictures of my niece ░░░░░░░░ everyday somebody else in ░░░░░░░░ family comments She looks ░░░░░░░░ like uncle Shane Laughter ░░░░░░░░ I m like Yeah ░░░░░░░░ see it a little ░░░░░░░░ there s no denying ░░░░░░░░ she does She looks ░░░░░░░░ me with bangs Just ░░░░░░░░ just Laughter But my ░░░░░░░░ my sister my niece ░░░░░░░░ mother she didn t ░░░░░░░░ she could get pregnant ░░░░░░░░ she fostered a kid ░░░░░░░░ then adopted three black ░░░░░░░░ and then she finally ░░░░░░░░ pregnant and now she ░░░░░░░░ a kid with Down ░░░░░░░░ and her husband is ░░░░░░░░ Egypt he is an ░░░░░░░░ guy You go to ░░░░░░░░ house it s like ░░░░░░░░ in the craziest Uber ░░░░░░░░ you ve ever been ░░░░░░░░ s crazy Laughter It ░░░░░░░░ like How did you ░░░░░░░░ meet This is Laughter ░░░░░░░░ there s something I ░░░░░░░░ t know my niece ░░░░░░░░ day I m not ░░░░░░░░ it s like something ░░░░░░░░ m looking forward to ░░░░░░░░ I think it ll ░░░░░░░░ a nice thing for ░░░░░░░░ whole country I would ░░░░░░░░ when my niece is ░░░░░░░░ in like fifth sixth ░░░░░░░░ out at recess and ░░░░░░░░ white kids out there ░░░░░░░░ like Hey you re ░░░░░░░░ allowed to play with ░░░░░░░░ you re retarded and ░░░░░░░░ three black kids come ░░░░░░░░ out of nowhere and ░░░░░░░░ start wailing on those ░░░░░░░░ everybody s gonna go ░░░░░░░░ That s like that ░░░░░░░░ like a nice moment ░░░░░░░░ and Applause No we ░░░░░░░░ family and I we ░░░░░░░░ opened a coffee shop ░░░░░░░░ my hometown for people ░░░░░░░░ Down Syndrome to work ░░░░░░░░ and it s called ░░░░░░░░ t clap I didn ░░░░░░░░ do it for the ░░░░░░░░ I did it it ░░░░░░░░ going exactly how you ░░░░░░░░ it would go It ░░░░░░░░ doing well actually line ░░░░░░░░ the corner every day ░░░░░░░░ because there s like ░░░░░░░░ ton of people going ░░░░░░░░ service is Laughter Everyone ░░░░░░░░ getting an apple juice ░░░░░░░░ don t know how ░░░░░░░░ fix that problem Laughter ░░░░░░░░ s one thing you ░░░░░░░░ s one thing you ░░░░░░░░ though when you work ░░░░░░░░ these guys it s ░░░░░░░░ it s funny There ░░░░░░░░ literally there s zero ░░░░░░░░ between us and them ░░░░░░░░ especially at work there ░░░░░░░░ no difference Every day ░░░░░░░░ dudes show up to ░░░░░░░░ and they re just ░░░░░░░░ Takes a deep breath ░░░░░░░░ re like What s ░░░░░░░░ problem dude They re ░░░░░░░░ I hate this job ░░░░░░░░ much Laughter All right ░░░░░░░░ we ve got a ░░░░░░░░ show for you tonight ░░░░░░░░ and Applause)