>> Welcome everybody Welcome welcome ░░░░░░░░ To The Tonight Show ░░░░░░░░ re here Cheers and ░░░░░░░░ Than you for watching ░░░░░░░░ home I want to ░░░░░░░░ everyone a very happy ░░░░░░░░ Happy Thanksgiving everyone Cheers ░░░░░░░░ applause Happy Thanksgiving By ░░░░░░░░ your pants have completed ░░░░░░░░ journey from on to ░░░░░░░░ to Who needs pants ░░░░░░░░ congratulations Please get comfortable ░░░░░░░░ You just did all ░░░░░░░░ dishes Or you stood ░░░░░░░░ pretending to be busy ░░░░░░░░ avoid doing the dishes ░░░░░░░░ you did And actually ░░░░░░░░ d like to make ░░░░░░░░ quick public service announcement ░░░░░░░░ I could If you ░░░░░░░░ still at someone s ░░░░░░░░ watching me right now ░░░░░░░░ wants you to go ░░░░░░░░ Laughter Goodbye Cheers and ░░░░░░░░ Go It s time ░░░░░░░░ course Thanksgiving was a ░░░░░░░░ different this year Your ░░░░░░░░ who was super into ░░░░░░░░ last Thanksgiving not so ░░░░░░░░ anymore right Laughter It ░░░░░░░░ a big night Not ░░░░░░░░ is it Thanksgiving but ░░░░░░░░ re coming to you ░░░░░░░░ tonight s game between ░░░░░░░░ Minnesota Vikings and the ░░░░░░░░ England Patriots The Patriots ░░░░░░░░ on Thanksgiving makes sense ░░░░░░░░ most people started the ░░░░░░░░ looking like this And ░░░░░░░░ after all the eating ░░░░░░░░ stress they end up ░░░░░░░░ like this And uh ░░░░░░░░ Some relatives wanted to ░░░░░░░░ football others wanted to ░░░░░░░░ the World Cup while ░░░░░░░░ one creepy nephew wanted ░░░░░░░░ to watch Dahmer And ░░░░░░░░ go No Well get ░░░░░░░░ I read that because ░░░░░░░░ inflation the cost of ░░░░░░░░ year s Thanksgiving dinner ░░░░░░░░ up about 20 It ░░░░░░░░ tough especially if you ░░░░░░░░ basting your Turkey with ░░░░░░░░ gasoline Laughter Meanwhile Turkey ░░░░░░░░ nearly 75 more expensive ░░░░░░░░ Let s just say ░░░░░░░░ you ate a turducken ░░░░░░░░ Tur might ve been ░░░░░░░░ Laughter I actually saw ░░░░░░░░ due to rising prices ░░░░░░░░ Turkey and other meats ░░░░░░░░ lot of people served ░░░░░░░░ based alternatives Ooh Audience ░░░░░░░░ So if you want ░░░░░░░░ know why Arby s ░░░░░░░░ Taco Bell are open ░░░░░░░░ Thanksgiving that s why ░░░░░░░░ But it s not ░░░░░░░░ inflation Turkeys were also ░░░░░░░░ to come by cause ░░░░░░░░ a bird flu outbreak ░░░░░░░░ else going around Just ░░░░░░░░ be safe people also ░░░░░░░░ masked potatoes Laughter You ░░░░░░░░ see Masked Rimshot Masked ░░░░░░░░ thank you Masked potatoes ░░░░░░░░ A S K masked ░░░░░░░░ s a joke for ░░░░░░░░ Not mashed No no ░░░░░░░░ Did you see this ░░░░░░░░ Frank s RedHot just ░░░░░░░░ an injector to help ░░░░░░░░ get hot sauce into ░░░░░░░░ Turkey this year Look ░░░░░░░░ this thing Oh It ░░░░░░░░ a great way to ░░░░░░░░ up your Turkey And ░░░░░░░░ you mix in a ░░░░░░░░ Pfizer even better way ░░░░░░░░ get your uncle vaccinated ░░░░░░░░ Just have some more ░░░░░░░░ White meat or dark ░░░░░░░░ Applause This is wild ░░░░░░░░ saw a survey that ░░░░░░░░ this Thanksgiving a third ░░░░░░░░ Americans serve food infused ░░░░░░░░ cannabis Scattered cheers Yep ░░░░░░░░ and operating a deep ░░░░░░░░ what could possibly go ░░░░░░░░ Laughter Course weed s ░░░░░░░░ been a part of ░░░░░░░░ The Pilgrims were so ░░░░░░░░ they put buckles on ░░░░░░░░ hats I mean come ░░░░░░░░ Laughter Also it s ░░░░░░░░ not the best day ░░░░░░░░ be high It s ░░░░░░░░ Dude I swear I ░░░░░░░░ a 50 foot Pillsbury ░░░░░░░░ floating down Sixth Avenue ░░░░░░░░ Meanwhile another poll said ░░░░░░░░ on Thanksgiving 36 of ░░░░░░░░ admit to drinking more ░░░░░░░░ usual You know you ░░░░░░░░ too much when there ░░░░░░░░ enough empty wine boxes ░░░░░░░░ build a fort don ░░░░░░░░ you think Laughter But ░░░░░░░░ jokes aside we have ░░░░░░░░ much to be thankful ░░░░░░░░ We live in the ░░░░░░░░ nation on Earth We ░░░░░░░░ Cheers and applause We ░░░░░░░░ making it through a ░░░░░░░░ Yeah Cheers and applause ░░░░░░░░ no matter what channel ░░░░░░░░ watch there s a ░░░░░░░░ featuring Shaq You know ░░░░░░░░ I m saying Cheers ░░░░░░░░ applause There s so ░░░░░░░░ to be grateful for ░░░░░░░░ days I think we ░░░░░░░░ take a moment and ░░░░░░░░ around and say what ░░░░░░░░ re thankful for I ░░░░░░░░ start I am thankful ░░░░░░░░ my family my friends ░░░░░░░░ this video Ugh Oh ░░░░░░░░ gosh Ugh What do ░░░░░░░░ do Burps Laughter What ░░░░░░░░ you What about you ░░░░░░░░ Well I m thankful ░░░░░░░░ my kids and my ░░░░░░░░ and this video Inhales ░░░░░░░░ Laughter Man Okay Yeah ░░░░░░░░ That s interesting Yeah ░░░░░░░░ about you Tariq Well ░░░░░░░░ m thankful for my ░░░░░░░░ my fans Yeah and ░░░░░░░░ video I got these ░░░░░░░░ boots Laughter and applause ░░░░░░░░ finally Quest what about ░░░░░░░░ I m thankful for ░░░░░░░░ relatives my friends and ░░░░░░░░ video Bye Screaming Laughter ░░░░░░░░ bleep What What Applause ░░░░░░░░ s important to give ░░░░░░░░ Hey this is fun ░░░░░░░░ the 96th Annual Macy ░░░░░░░░ Thanksgiving Day Parade aired ░░░░░░░░ NBC 96 Cheers and ░░░░░░░░ I was there We ░░░░░░░░ there The Roots and ░░░░░░░░ were at the at ░░░░░░░░ parade I was honored ░░░░░░░░ be performing at the ░░░░░░░░ although it was tough ░░░░░░░░ kids were shouting Jimmy ░░░░░░░░ loved your balloon and ░░░░░░░░ had to tell them ░░░░░░░░ don t have a ░░░░░░░░ That s just my ░░░░░░░░ Oh Laughter The parade ░░░░░░░░ great although sadly after ░░░░░░░░ gust of wind the ░░░░░░░░ from Paw Patrol balloon ░░░░░░░░ neutered by the Empire ░░░░░░░░ Building Laughter Terrible It ░░░░░░░░ unfortunate That s right ░░░░░░░░ parade had 16 balloons ░░░░░░░░ floats 12 marching bands ░░░░░░░░ get this more than ░░░░░░░░ clowns Audience Oohs But ░░░░░░░░ got weird when Macy ░░░░░░░░ said We didn t ░░░░░░░░ any clowns Ring around ░░░░░░░░ rosie Pocket full of ░░░░░░░░ Ashes Thank you Of ░░░░░░░░ Thanksgiving marks the official ░░░░░░░░ of the holiday shopping ░░░░░░░░ but I heard that ░░░░░░░░ year Walmart Target and ░░░░░░░░ Buy were all closed ░░░░░░░░ the day Yeah Cheers ░░░░░░░░ applause That s right ░░░░░░░░ told their employees Take ░░░░░░░░ day off We don ░░░░░░░░ want to see you ░░░░░░░░ until 12 01 A ░░░░░░░░ Okay good Laughter And ░░░░░░░░ according to a new ░░░░░░░░ a decent night of ░░░░░░░░ is at the top ░░░░░░░░ most Americans holiday wish ░░░░░░░░ So if you made ░░░░░░░░ through my monologue you ░░░░░░░░ getting sleepy You re ░░░░░░░░ sleepy But you re ░░░░░░░░ want to stick around ░░░░░░░░ Jerry Seinfeld is here ░░░░░░░░ Cheers and applause Jerry ░░░░░░░░ Cheers and applause continues ░░░░░░░░ Devine is on the ░░░░░░░░ this evening And we ░░░░░░░░ a performance from Bruce ░░░░░░░░ tonight We have a ░░░░░░░░ show Let s go ░░░░░░░░ some thank you notes ░░░░░░░░ on everybody I m ░░░░░░░░ for one more Turkey ░░░░░░░░ I m holding out ░░░░░░░░ one more Turkey sandwich ░░░░░░░░ my goodness Happy Thanksgiving ░░░░░░░░ I hope everyone had ░░░░░░░░ great day Today is ░░░░░░░░ about over and I ░░░░░░░░ I just thought I ░░░░░░░░ take a look at ░░░░░░░░ Thanksgiving Bingo card Oh ░░░░░░░░ as well Yeah I ░░░░░░░░ had dinner Let s ░░░░░░░░ how I did here ░░░░░░░░ first up in this ░░░░░░░░ we have Yep Laughter ░░░░░░░░ Oh it s Taran ░░░░░░░░ next square says Ah ░░░░░░░░ lot of summer soaps ░░░░░░░░ are real Who knows ░░░░░░░░ I got I m ░░░░░░░░ for two on that ░░░░░░░░ Two for two dude ░░░░░░░░ Let s see this ░░░░░░░░ square here Laughter and ░░░░░░░░ Mid Wow Didn t ░░░░░░░░ to me Let s ░░░░░░░░ a look at this ░░░░░░░░ one here Laughter Hey ░░░░░░░░ Hey man What are ░░░░░░░░ eatin man Big Turkey ░░░░░░░░ You got any Funyuns ░░░░░░░░ All right Uh Laughter ░░░░░░░░ didn t happen to ░░░░░░░░ Oh well here s ░░░░░░░░ free space Okay well ░░░░░░░░ s Everyone gets that ░░░░░░░░ Everyone gets that one ░░░░░░░░ course The next square ░░░░░░░░ Oh Not this year ░░░░░░░░ this year thankfully Last ░░░░░░░░ Yeah last year That ░░░░░░░░ a different story How ░░░░░░░░ this one Oh Laughter ░░░░░░░░ do you know What ░░░░░░░░ you know That didn ░░░░░░░░ happen to me How ░░░░░░░░ this one here Yeah ░░░░░░░░ did happen to me ░░░░░░░░ ll take that one ░░░░░░░░ and finally Oh that ░░░░░░░░ Hey I got Bingo ░░░░░░░░ I got Thanksgiving Bingo ░░░░░░░░ right Cheers and applause ░░░░░░░░ today is a day ░░░░░░░░ about giving thanks so ░░░░░░░░ not a better day ░░░░░░░░ write out my weekly ░░░░░░░░ You Notes right now ░░░░░░░░ guys mind Cheers and ░░░░░░░░ Oh I d love ░░░░░░░░ James can I get ░░░░░░░░ Thank You Note writing ░░░░░░░░ please Wow Thankful Laughter ░░░░░░░░ you Thanksgiving leftovers for ░░░░░░░░ to an epic game ░░░░░░░░ Fridge Tetris Laughs Applause ░░░░░░░░ you canned cranberry sauce ░░░░░░░░ being the only thing ░░░░░░░░ keeps its shape after ░░░░░░░░ Yeah Can t mess ░░░░░░░░ that I like I ░░░░░░░░ a good dessert to ░░░░░░░░ that has abs Yeah ░░░░░░░░ Thank you World Cup ░░░░░░░░ Ooh Because everyone knows ░░░░░░░░ first rule of soccer ░░░░░░░░ hold the ball with ░░░░░░░░ hands Laughter Wait What ░░░░░░░░ Applause Thank you peeling ░░░░░░░░ for either being a ░░░░░░░░ that you re helping ░░░░░░░░ or did something wrong ░░░░░░░░ boot camp Applause Beetle ░░░░░░░░ Get over here Thank ░░░░░░░░ Thanksgiving for being that ░░░░░░░░ day when your family ░░░░░░░░ either upset you re ░░░░░░░░ married or upset about ░░░░░░░░ you did marry Laughs ░░░░░░░░ He s a loozah ░░░░░░░░ you airport X ray ░░░░░░░░ for letting me work ░░░░░░░░ Thanksgiving by doing one ░░░░░░░░ slow jumping Jack Laughter ░░░░░░░░ Thank you family photos ░░░░░░░░ letting me remember exactly ░░░░░░░░ mood each family member ░░░░░░░░ in at the time ░░░░░░░░ you have it everybody ░░░░░░░░ are our Thank You ░░░░░░░░ We ll be right ░░░░░░░░