Rob Porter’s Ex-Wife: ‘If He Hasn’t Already Been Abusive’ with Hope Hicks, ‘He Will’

Joining us now is ░░░░░░░░ Willoughby she was married ░░░░░░░░ rob porter She s ░░░░░░░░ writer and a speaker ░░░░░░░░ for being with us ░░░░░░░░ s not an easy ░░░░░░░░ Thank you Why are ░░░░░░░░ coming forward Why are ░░░░░░░░ speaking out Um so ░░░░░░░░ had no intention of ░░░░░░░░ out and making these ░░░░░░░░ details of my marriage ░░░░░░░░ I feel as though ░░░░░░░░ opportunity to share my ░░░░░░░░ with other people and ░░░░░░░░ about the the shame ░░░░░░░░ the guilt that s ░░░░░░░░ with it and then ░░░░░░░░ the healing and resiliency ░░░░░░░░ comes after you have ░░░░░░░░ able to step out ░░░░░░░░ hope it helps other ░░░░░░░░ It was really important ░░░░░░░░ me yeah to get ░░░░░░░░ message out to other ░░░░░░░░ This isn t a ░░░░░░░░ against your former husband ░░░░░░░░ and I tried very ░░░░░░░░ to make that clear ░░░░░░░░ I was speaking with ░░░░░░░░ media outlets that I ░░░░░░░░ nothing against rob I ░░░░░░░░ long since done the ░░░░░░░░ and forgiveness I need ░░░░░░░░ do and I seek ░░░░░░░░ harm for him Let ░░░░░░░░ take you back You ░░░░░░░░ married the marriage started ░░░░░░░░ November of 2009 That ░░░░░░░░ correct The abuse the ░░░░░░░░ abuse started on your ░░░░░░░░ Even sooner than that ░░░░░░░░ We had a delayed ░░░░░░░░ so within the first ░░░░░░░░ two weeks I was ░░░░░░░░ getting belittled and nit ░░░░░░░░ and sort of systematically ░░░░░░░░ apart for small things ░░░░░░░░ seeing glimpses of his ░░░░░░░░ You say he was ░░░░░░░░ he would curse at ░░░░░░░░ The cursing the actual ░░░░░░░░ and insults didn t ░░░░░░░░ until the honeymoon which ░░░░░░░░ about a month or ░░░░░░░░ after we were pair ░░░░░░░░ Had you gotten any ░░░░░░░░ of that during the ░░░░░░░░ process I hadn t ░░░░░░░░ is quite charming and ░░░░░░░░ and romantic and the ░░░░░░░░ that he described his ░░░░░░░░ marriage it all added ░░░░░░░░ to how he was ░░░░░░░░ when he was with ░░░░░░░░ And so the only ░░░░░░░░ inclination I had to ░░░░░░░░ glimpse into his anger ░░░░░░░░ at one point a ░░░░░░░░ or so before we ░░░░░░░░ married when he was ░░░░░░░░ impatient We were late ░░░░░░░░ an appointment to meet ░░░░░░░░ somebody and it seems ░░░░░░░░ a little bit disproportiont ░░░░░░░░ the situation But even ░░░░░░░░ wasn t a red ░░░░░░░░ for what I experienced ░░░░░░░░ It was just a ░░░░░░░░ months after your honeymoon ░░░░░░░░ June I think of ░░░░░░░░ that you actually filed ░░░░░░░░ a temporary protective order ░░░░░░░░ Can you talk about ░░░░░░░░ incident that motivated that ░░░░░░░░ Rob and I had ░░░░░░░░ seeing a marriage counselor ░░░░░░░░ together had drafted a ░░░░░░░░ agreement primarily because of ░░░░░░░░ anger and the verbal ░░░░░░░░ emotional abuse So at ░░░░░░░░ time he was meant ░░░░░░░░ be living in our ░░░░░░░░ that we had recently ░░░░░░░░ He came to the ░░░░░░░░ where I was staying ░░░░░░░░ refused to leave and ░░░░░░░░ he did ultimately leave ░░░░░░░░ I closed the door ░░░░░░░░ locked it behind him ░░░░░░░░ returned a moment later ░░░░░░░░ punched in the glass ░░░░░░░░ the front door And ░░░░░░░░ I did know that ░░░░░░░░ anger was unpredictable I ░░░░░░░░ t know what he ░░░░░░░░ do next And I ░░░░░░░░ were frightened I was ░░░░░░░░ And you called the ░░░░░░░░ And I did call ░░░░░░░░ police Was it the ░░░░░░░░ who recommended the protective ░░░░░░░░ protective order Yeah even ░░░░░░░░ that moment you know ░░░░░░░░ my husband had just ░░░░░░░░ in the glass on ░░░░░░░░ door and made me ░░░░░░░░ I didn t realize ░░░░░░░░ extent of what I ░░░░░░░░ dealing with and thankfully ░░░░░░░░ was a police officer ░░░░░░░░ sort of counseled me ░░░░░░░░ know you didn t ░░░░░░░░ he would punch in ░░░░░░░░ window and now he ░░░░░░░░ So you don t ░░░░░░░░ to you really don ░░░░░░░░ know what could happen ░░░░░░░░ the future And with ░░░░░░░░ counsel and ultimately counseling ░░░░░░░░ a Mormon bishop the ░░░░░░░░ clergy I decided to ░░░░░░░░ the temporary protective order ░░░░░░░░ had written in a ░░░░░░░░ post about the counseling ░░░░░░░░ the bishop and one ░░░░░░░░ the things the bishop ░░░░░░░░ sort of suggested to ░░░░░░░░ or mentioned to you ░░░░░░░░ do you want to ░░░░░░░░ this temporary protective order ░░░░░░░░ of the impact it ░░░░░░░░ have on your husband ░░░░░░░░ career Yeah How did ░░░░░░░░ feel when that was ░░░░░░░░ up I was taken ░░░░░░░░ It seemed sort of ░░░░░░░░ the priority in the ░░░░░░░░ that I was discussing ░░░░░░░░ hold no ill will ░░░░░░░░ that bishop I think ░░░░░░░░ was making a decision ░░░░░░░░ best he could with ░░░░░░░░ information he had But ░░░░░░░░ I think it shows ░░░░░░░░ of the nuances of ░░░░░░░░ someone goes throwhen they ░░░░░░░░ in an abusive relationship ░░░░░░░░ because I was unable ░░░░░░░░ clearly articulate the fear ░░░░░░░░ I had and to ░░░░░░░░ articulate even some of ░░░░░░░░ more extreme forms of ░░░░░░░░ or verbal abuse that ░░░░░░░░ was experiencing he really ░░░░░░░░ t understand the severity ░░░░░░░░ the situation and was ░░░░░░░░ to make that as ░░░░░░░░ recommendation One of the ░░░░░░░░ you didn t know ░░░░░░░░ ex wife his first ░░░░░░░░ No You didn t ░░░░░░░░ the allegations what she ░░░░░░░░ said the choking the ░░░░░░░░ No I was unaware ░░░░░░░░ that add all All ░░░░░░░░ which of course he ░░░░░░░░ and continues to deny ░░░░░░░░ m wondering at a ░░░░░░░░ point though you were ░░░░░░░░ and you said there ░░░░░░░░ a physical I don ░░░░░░░░ know how to describe ░░░░░░░░ confrontation of sorts Yeah ░░░░░░░░ first and perhaps the ░░░░░░░░ physical abuse that I ░░░░░░░░ was after an argument ░░░░░░░░ we were both yelling ░░░░░░░░ each other s faces ░░░░░░░░ unfortunately had become the ░░░░░░░░ in our marriage and ░░░░░░░░ removed myself from the ░░░░░░░░ to take a shower ░░░░░░░░ cool down to disengage ░░░░░░░░ the situation He came ░░░░░░░░ the shower and opened ░░░░░░░░ door and pulled me ░░░░░░░░ to continue yelling at ░░░░░░░░ Put his hands on ░░░░░░░░ and pulled you out ░░░░░░░░ Was that a startling ░░░░░░░░ for you I think ░░░░░░░░ until that moment I ░░░░░░░░ t realize that I ░░░░░░░░ in an abusive marriage ░░░░░░░░ think that sounds almost ░░░░░░░░ coming out of my ░░░░░░░░ given how I can ░░░░░░░░ about it and remember ░░░░░░░░ now But I don ░░░░░░░░ know it was until ░░░░░░░░ moment that I realized ░░░░░░░░ was with a man ░░░░░░░░ was capable of something ░░░░░░░░ that I think so ░░░░░░░░ women will relate to ░░░░░░░░ you just said and ░░░░░░░░ of the things you ░░░░░░░░ you wrote about you ░░░░░░░░ about how when you ░░░░░░░░ go outside people would ░░░░░░░░ your husband and say ░░░░░░░░ lucky you were to ░░░░░░░░ a guy like that ░░░░░░░░ sort of his public ░░░░░░░░ was an incredibly impressive ░░░░░░░░ Did that add to ░░░░░░░░ sense of not being ░░░░░░░░ to believe what was ░░░░░░░░ on at home So ░░░░░░░░ mean I think you ░░░░░░░░ of hit on the ░░░░░░░░ of how I ended ░░░░░░░░ here in your studio ░░░░░░░░ There s somebody who ░░░░░░░░ able to rise professionally ░░░░░░░░ have the accolades from ░░░░░░░░ many and even in ░░░░░░░░ face of what s ░░░░░░░░ unfolding to still have ░░░░░░░░ support of so many ░░░░░░░░ in the White House ░░░░░░░░ former colleagues that the ░░░░░░░░ that he could be ░░░░░░░░ different seems to escape ░░░░░░░░ And yet everyone in ░░░░░░░░ daily lives has a ░░░░░░░░ personality for different situations ░░░░░░░░ think this for rob ░░░░░░░░ just a really extreme ░░░░░░░░ toxic version of that ░░░░░░░░ had said that strangers ░░░░░░░░ him to me every ░░░░░░░░ we went out but ░░░░░░░░ my home the abuse ░░░░░░░░ insidious the threats were ░░░░░░░░ the terror was real ░░░░░░░░ s what it felt ░░░░░░░░ It was a low ░░░░░░░░ constant terror of not ░░░░░░░░ what I might do ░░░░░░░░ set something off What ░░░░░░░░ he would have There ░░░░░░░░ t any explicit threats ░░░░░░░░ I frequently felt threatened ░░░░░░░░ was one other thing ░░░░░░░░ wrote and then I ░░░░░░░░ to take a break ░░░░░░░░ a moment You wrote ░░░░░░░░ he was about why ░░░░░░░░ stayed if he was ░░░░░░░░ Munster all the time ░░░░░░░░ it would be easier ░░░░░░░░ leave but he could ░░░░░░░░ kind and sensitive So ░░░░░░░░ stayed He cried and ░░░░░░░░ so I stayed He ░░░░░░░░ to get help so ░░░░░░░░ stayed You know this ░░░░░░░░ a question I specifically ░░░░░░░░ that because that s ░░░░░░░░ question I m asked ░░░░░░░░ lot why did you ░░░░░░░░ if he was a ░░░░░░░░ unquote monster and the ░░░░░░░░ is he s not ░░░░░░░░ monster He is an ░░░░░░░░ kind chivalrous caring professional ░░░░░░░░ And he is deeply ░░░░░░░░ and angry and violent ░░░░░░░░ don t think those ░░░░░░░░ are mutually exclusive And ░░░░░░░░ people he works with ░░░░░░░░ not have seen that ░░░░░░░░ of him at all ░░░░░░░░ course not Of course ░░░░░░░░ It s reserved for ░░░░░░░░ most intimate and also ░░░░░░░░ moments in his life ░░░░░░░░ re going to take ░░░░░░░░ quick break and continue ░░░░░░░░ We ll be right ░░░░░░░░