Watch Joan Rivers Nonchalantly Talks About Her Private Parts

FALLON Oh my goodness ░░░░░░░░ RIVERS I m so ░░░░░░░░ I m late FALLON ░░░░░░░░ why were you late ░░░░░░░░ ve waited for you ░░░░░░░░ long RIVERS I beg ░░░░░░░░ pardon I flew in ░░░░░░░░ we did Fashion Police ░░░░░░░░ is on Friday but ░░░░░░░░ tape it ahead of ░░░░░░░░ And this stupid guy ░░░░░░░░ in Newark instead of ░░░░░░░░ Guardia And then we ░░░░░░░░ of you who don ░░░░░░░░ know that s like ░░░░░░░░ minutes And then we ░░░░░░░░ they sent this big ░░░░░░░░ Mercedes limo for us ░░░░░░░░ it got stuck It ░░░░░░░░ t move for two ░░░░░░░░ a half hours And ░░░░░░░░ m thinking the Germans ░░░░░░░░ 6 million Jews you ░░░░░░░░ t fix a f ░░░░░░░░ carburetor FALLON Now now ░░░░░░░░ t RIVERS You know ░░░░░░░░ Welcome back to the ░░░░░░░░ Joan RIVERS And I ░░░░░░░░ thrilled to be on ░░░░░░░░ t misunderstand me This ░░░░░░░░ so embarrassing I have ░░░░░░░░ sit on this I ░░░░░░░░ so embarrassed FALLON You ░░░░░░░░ t have to be ░░░░░░░░ Tell me what RIVERS ░░░░░░░░ coming back I wanted ░░░░░░░░ it s very special ░░░░░░░░ me to be back ░░░░░░░░ very very special It ░░░░░░░░ amazing So my girlfriend ░░░░░░░░ I decided we would ░░░░░░░░ matching vagina rings just ░░░░░░░░ you collaborate And FALLON ░░░░░░░░ celebrate the moment RIVERS ░░░░░░░░ celebrate the moment that ░░░░░░░░ FALLON I appreciate that ░░░░░░░░ and your girlfriend RIVERS ░░░░░░░░ mine is killing me ░░░░░░░░ I spoke to Bruce ░░░░░░░░ and hers is fine ░░░░░░░░ That s good to ░░░░░░░░ That s good to ░░░░░░░░ I don t want ░░░░░░░░ to be in pain ░░░░░░░░ Joan when you came ░░░░░░░░ asked you to come ░░░░░░░░ our first show and ░░░░░░░░ this 100 dollar bet ░░░░░░░░ and you re the ░░░░░░░░ person to break character ░░░░░░░░ you gave me this ░░░░░░░░ hug And I appreciate ░░░░░░░░ because you know we ░░░░░░░░ you here RIVERS I ░░░░░░░░ you so much From ░░░░░░░░ minute I saw you ░░░░░░░░ you first started I ░░░░░░░░ you re great And ░░░░░░░░ what I love about ░░░░░░░░ is you were very ░░░░░░░░ that night And I ░░░░░░░░ that s because you ░░░░░░░░ Irish You re ethnic ░░░░░░░░ I did start tearing ░░░░░░░░ I got emotional RIVERS ░░░░░░░░ people get emotional WASPs ░░░░░░░░ Irish you say to ░░░░░░░░ Italian woman you re ░░░░░░░░ died Aah FALLON It ░░░░░░░░ a very emotional thing ░░░░░░░░ And she hated her ░░░░░░░░ say to a WASP ░░░░░░░░ mother died Who got ░░░░░░░░ shoes FALLON That s ░░░░░░░░ interesting RIVERS You want ░░░░░░░░ make a WASP cry ░░░░░░░░ ve got to say ░░░░░░░░ more mayonnaise FALLON They ░░░░░░░░ get upset then I ░░░░░░░░ a photo of you ░░░░░░░░ is you right in ░░░░░░░░ same studio in 1965 ░░░░░░░░ were a knockout RIVERS ░░░░░░░░ night that I was ░░░░░░░░ I had been working ░░░░░░░░ years in Greenwich Village ░░░░░░░░ nothing And he said ░░░░░░░░ bless him you re ░░░░░░░░ to be a star ░░░░░░░░ changed my life And ░░░░░░░░ look at this look ░░░░░░░░ nice I mean my ░░░░░░░░ look good my breasts ░░░░░░░░ in the right place ░░░░░░░░ s just the hair ░░░░░░░░ You look fantastic Let ░░░░░░░░ say the whole thing ░░░░░░░░ it true that they ░░░░░░░░ you but then RIVERS ░░░░░░░░ banned me but I ░░░░░░░░ it s because you ░░░░░░░░ old When you get ░░░░░░░░ I don t want ░░░░░░░░ talk in front of ░░░░░░░░ because I don t ░░░░░░░░ you that well When ░░░░░░░░ get old My vagina ░░░░░░░░ so dry FALLON Joan ░░░░░░░░ everyone just say at ░░░░░░░░ same time AUDIENCE How ░░░░░░░░ is it RIVERS Thank ░░░░░░░░ for asking I took ░░░░░░░░ bath tonight and the ░░░░░░░░ went woosh FALLON All ░░░░░░░░ all right I ve ░░░░░░░░ heard of that happening ░░░░░░░░ ve never heard of ░░░░░░░░ happening RIVERS I was ░░░░░░░░ for 25 26 years ░░░░░░░░ Yeah but you never ░░░░░░░░ them any shows or ░░░░░░░░ to come back to ░░░░░░░░ RIVERS I pitched tons ░░░░░░░░ shows tons they just ░░░░░░░░ t want what I ░░░░░░░░ to show I had ░░░░░░░░ great show with toilet ░░░░░░░░ children I called it ░░░░░░░░ Doody They didn t ░░░░░░░░ that I had a ░░░░░░░░ Religious show called 700 ░░░░░░░░ and That s My ░░░░░░░░ Offer FALLON 700 That ░░░░░░░░ it RIVERS That s ░░░░░░░░ Not a penny more ░░░░░░░░ But look at you ░░░░░░░░ re on E I ░░░░░░░░ Fashion Police is a ░░░░░░░░ giant hit RIVERS Giant ░░░░░░░░ FALLON knock on wood ░░░░░░░░ then you have Joan ░░░░░░░░ Melissa Joan Knows Best ░░░░░░░░ season I watched it ░░░░░░░░ had you on Late ░░░░░░░░ RIVERS You were on ░░░░░░░░ I was on last ░░░░░░░░ But then you had ░░░░░░░░ episode I don t ░░░░░░░░ if we talked about ░░░░░░░░ You got stoned RIVERS ░░░░░░░░ FALLON during an episode ░░░░░░░░ went and ate cheeseburgers ░░░░░░░░ like 3 00 in ░░░░░░░░ morning And it was ░░░░░░░░ And then this year ░░░░░░░░ re doing something this ░░░░░░░░ a little bit ridiculous ░░░░░░░░ asked RIVERS See now ░░░░░░░░ ve hurt my feelings ░░░░░░░░ I do this year ░░░░░░░░ first episode or whatever ░░░░░░░░ did a sex tape ░░░░░░░░ Joan why RIVERS Porn ░░░░░░░░ porn porn FALLON yeah ░░░░░░░░ know Why are you ░░░░░░░░ into that business RIVERS ░░░░░░░░ look at the Kardashians ░░░░░░░░ mean FALLON Yeah yeah ░░░░░░░░ yeah But do you ░░░░░░░░ So I said to ░░░░░░░░ I wanted Melissa to ░░░░░░░░ it I didn t ░░░░░░░░ to do it And ░░░░░░░░ away Melissa i don ░░░░░░░░ want to do it ░░░░░░░░ mean what a prude ░░░░░░░░ I said she wouldn ░░░░░░░░ do it FALLON Joan ░░░░░░░░ don t know This ░░░░░░░░ like don t you ░░░░░░░░ you re a little ░░░░░░░░ too old RIVERS People ░░░░░░░░ see now that s ░░░░░░░░ FALLON Ageist RIVERS Yes ░░░░░░░░ Ageist Every time people ░░░░░░░░ we don t want ░░░░░░░░ hear an old lady ░░░░░░░░ I m coming unless ░░░░░░░░ s going for the ░░░░░░░░ FALLON OK that makes ░░░░░░░░ yeah RIVERS That just ░░░░░░░░ me FALLON Yeah but ░░░░░░░░ but honestly you re ░░░░░░░░ afraid of death You ░░░░░░░░ not afraid of death ░░░░░░░░ getting older RIVERS Well ░░░░░░░░ late about getting older ░░░░░░░░ made up my bucket ░░░░░░░░ number one is wake ░░░░░░░░ No I m not ░░░░░░░░ My father was a ░░░░░░░░ so I was around ░░░░░░░░ all my life So ░░░░░░░░ was very used to ░░░░░░░░ because he was a ░░░░░░░░ ing doctor FALLON There ░░░░░░░░ go That makes a ░░░░░░░░ of sense Joan I ░░░░░░░░ t I gotta say ░░░░░░░░ really means a lot ░░░░░░░░ me that you re ░░░░░░░░ the show tonight I ░░░░░░░░ you so much RIVERS ░░░░░░░░ love you back my ░░░░░░░░