SNL Parodies Eric Adams: I’m Muscular, I’m Vegan, and I Get that ‘Thang Thang’ Every Day

HERNANDEZ Good morning everyone ░░░░░░░░ d like to welcome ░░░░░░░░ to city hall As ░░░░░░░░ know it s been ░░░░░░░░ tough few years for ░░░░░░░░ York but we have ░░░░░░░░ new mayor now and ░░░░░░░░ hungry But I will ░░░░░░░░ you the mayor does ░░░░░░░░ like chaos If you ░░░░░░░░ act up I will ░░░░░░░░ for you Okay Now ░░░░░░░░ clap for your new ░░░░░░░░ the friskiest uncle at ░░░░░░░░ barbecue ladies and gentlemen ░░░░░░░░ Adams ADAMS Yeah I ░░░░░░░░ you New York Oh ░░░░░░░░ everybody It s New ░░░░░░░░ it s January bey ░░░░░░░░ oh Ain t no ░░░░░░░░ but she know I ░░░░░░░░ there What s up ░░░░░░░░ York Applause That s ░░░░░░░░ It s your homeboy ░░░░░░░░ hometown hero Eric Adams ░░░░░░░░ you feel that Oh ░░░░░░░░ New York is back ░░░░░░░░ This city s never ░░░░░░░░ a mayor with so ░░░░░░░░ swagger before I mean ░░░░░░░░ all see me outside ░░░░░░░░ whoo pea coats the ░░░░░░░░ the shine or the ░░░░░░░░ You can tell I ░░░░░░░░ swagger It keeps me ░░░░░░░░ See the city s ░░░░░░░░ suffering from what I ░░░░░░░░ a swagless existence Y ░░░░░░░░ had no swagger that ░░░░░░░░ why you re getting ░░░░░░░░ No offense Let s ░░░░░░░░ be real I haven ░░░░░░░░ been sick in over ░░░░░░░░ years I m muscular ░░░░░░░░ m vegan and I ░░░░░░░░ that thang thang every ░░░░░░░░ before breakfast all right ░░░░░░░░ can t start the ░░░░░░░░ without finishing first you ░░░░░░░░ me I m just ░░░░░░░░ unless you like that ░░░░░░░░ now let s get ░░░░░░░░ some questions so we ░░░░░░░░ fix this city Bitch ░░░░░░░░ m from New York ░░░░░░░░ s go REPORTER Mr ░░░░░░░░ REPORTER Sir ADAMS Uh ░░░░░░░░ No I do not ░░░░░░░░ chaos in my city ░░░░░░░░ I told you all ░░░░░░░░ I was a police ░░░░░░░░ for over 70 years ░░░░░░░░ I get startled I ░░░░░░░░ beating people s asses ░░░░░░░░ don t want to ░░░░░░░░ that HERNANDEZ And excuse ░░░░░░░░ but this man he ░░░░░░░░ not Bill De Blasio ░░░░░░░░ No HERNANDEZ And he ░░░░░░░░ kick your ass En ░░░░░░░░ ADAMS Okay okay Now ░░░░░░░░ s joking but she ░░░░░░░░ from the Bronx so ░░░░░░░░ she Laughter Okay Questions ░░░░░░░░ s start with the ░░░░░░░░ up front Go ahead ░░░░░░░░ REPORTER Me Okay Uh ░░░░░░░░ Mayor you said you ░░░░░░░░ to keep schools open ░░░░░░░░ skyrocketing Covid numbers and ░░░░░░░░ from teachers Does that ░░░░░░░░ make sense ADAMS Thank ░░░░░░░░ nut nut Little squirrel ░░░░░░░░ asked a really good ░░░░░░░░ Yes Kids need to ░░░░░░░░ in school learn about ░░░░░░░░ There are too many ░░░░░░░░ parents out there giving ░░░░░░░░ kids no swagger at ░░░░░░░░ And as a mayor ░░░░░░░░ is so saucy just ░░░░░░░░ in swag goo it ░░░░░░░░ my heart It s ░░░░░░░░ to have you kids ░░░░░░░░ there with no swag ░░░░░░░░ me tell you a ░░░░░░░░ about a boy I ░░░░░░░░ to school with little ░░░░░░░░ Now the boy had ░░░░░░░░ swag Dumbass shoes dumbass ░░░░░░░░ dumbass pants One day ░░░░░░░░ Timmy walked his dusty ░░░░░░░░ up to the finest ░░░░░░░░ in school Tiffany DuBoyton ░░░░░░░░ was foine y all ░░░░░░░░ Timmy looked her right ░░░░░░░░ her eye and boom ░░░░░░░░ dead right there the ░░░░░░░░ of swagger stopped the ░░░░░░░░ s heart It was ░░░░░░░░ sad And you know ░░░░░░░░ Shakespeare says If doth ░░░░░░░░ the swagger why for ░░░░░░░░ thou heart shall beat ░░░░░░░░ more or something like ░░░░░░░░ Bitch I m from ░░░░░░░░ York Does that answer ░░░░░░░░ question REPORTER Not really ░░░░░░░░ ADAMS Good Next question ░░░░░░░░ Wait Mr Mayor HERNANDEZ ░░░░░░░░ no no no Baby ░░░░░░░░ me Let me ask ░░░░░░░░ one more question No ░░░░░░░░ no That s how ░░░░░░░░ all sound This ain ░░░░░░░░ the C train okay ░░░░░░░░ have rules here ADAMS ░░░░░░░░ do HERNANDEZ Proceed ADAMS ░░░░░░░░ right there Miss Lady ░░░░░░░░ ahead REPORTE R Mr ░░░░░░░░ last week you said ░░░░░░░░ skill workers don t ░░░░░░░░ the skills to sit ░░░░░░░░ an office Do you ░░░░░░░░ believe that ADAMS I ░░░░░░░░ glad you brought that ░░░░░░░░ up Princess Peach And ░░░░░░░░ on escaping that castle ░░░░░░░░ that quote was taken ░░░░░░░░ of context obviously Let ░░░░░░░░ clarify by unskilled workers ░░░░░░░░ meant folks with trash ░░░░░░░░ I mean trash lives ░░░░░░░░ no What I mean ░░░░░░░░ if you were better ░░░░░░░░ life you would have ░░░░░░░░ desk No wait I ░░░░░░░░ sorry y all mishearing ░░░░░░░░ is making me misquote ░░░░░░░░ Listen we in the ░░░░░░░░ and there s kings ░░░░░░░░ there are queens and ░░░░░░░░ there s everybody else ░░░░░░░░ that the dirty people ░░░░░░░░ that better for you ░░░░░░░░ I don t like ░░░░░░░░ y all making me ░░░░░░░░ right now I mean ░░░░░░░░ was a cop for ░░░░░░░░ years Do you understand ░░░░░░░░ Show me some respect ░░░░░░░░ question weird Eminem REPORTER ░░░░░░░░ the hair Mr Mayor ░░░░░░░░ qualifications does your brother ░░░░░░░░ to be the head ░░░░░░░░ your security detail Isn ░░░░░░░░ that nepotism ADAMS Thank ░░░░░░░░ sic sic Slim Shady ░░░░░░░░ all keep asking me ░░░░░░░░ my brother like y ░░░░░░░░ can kick his ass ░░░░░░░░ something Listen I was ░░░░░░░░ cop for over 222 ░░░░░░░░ I trust my brother ░░░░░░░░ got a lot of ░░░░░░░░ together bad too Plus ░░░░░░░░ all forget JFK appointed ░░░░░░░░ brother Why Because the ░░░░░░░░ had swagger I could ░░░░░░░░ your JFK New York ░░░░░░░░ I m out here ░░░░░░░░ for my Marilyn Monroe ░░░░░░░░ out to inaudible But ░░░░░░░░ unlike JFK I m ░░░░░░░░ going get popped in ░░░░░░░░ head I m going ░░░░░░░░ receive some Hey hey ░░░░░░░░ okay That was my ░░░░░░░░ waving at me saying ░░░░░░░░ should not have made ░░░░░░░░ joke And that s ░░░░░░░░ I do apologize unless ░░░░░░░░ like that Now I ░░░░░░░░ leave you with this ░░░░░░░░ York Y all are ░░░░░░░░ good black Paul Bunyan ░░░░░░░░ okay We re going ░░░░░░░░ beat this virus together ░░░░░░░░ believe that Plus you ░░░░░░░░ what rhymes with cough ░░░░░░░░ I mean it doesn ░░░░░░░░ but it should And ░░░░░░░░ York is tough as ░░░░░░░░ and I dare Covid ░░░░░░░░ run up on me ░░░░░░░░ Covid come to Brooklyn ░░░░░░░░ Walk right up to ░░░░░░░░ ass whoopin I ll ░░░░░░░░ the light on for ░░░░░░░░ dog Covid is welcome ░░░░░░░░ in New York and ░░░░░░░░ can print that HERNANDEZ ░░░░░░░░ okay Well maybe let ░░░░░░░░ not welcome the virus ░░░░░░░░ thank you everyone Seriously ░░░░░░░░ All right well let ░░░░░░░░ have a great four ░░░░░░░░ everybody Bitch I m ░░░░░░░░ New York Let s ░░░░░░░░ HERNANDEZ: “Okay.”