SNL Cold Open Takes on Roy Moore’s Teen Sexual Abuse Allegations

>>> Mr Vice president Alabama ░░░░░░░░ candidate Roy Moore is ░░░░░░░░ Oh great Send him ░░░░░░░░ Applause How are you ░░░░░░░░ Roy I don t ░░░░░░░░ to tell you that ░░░░░░░░ Senate hangs in the ░░░░░░░░ We are trying to ░░░░░░░░ a tax reform plan ░░░░░░░░ year to bring Mr ░░░░░░░░ s list of big ░░░░░░░░ accomplishments to one We ░░░░░░░░ t lose your seat ░░░░░░░░ December Yes sir I ░░░░░░░░ you are Bannon s ░░░░░░░░ about this latest news ░░░░░░░░ you is concerning Voters ░░░░░░░░ Alabama will never elect ░░░░░░░░ who has had elections ░░░░░░░░ a minor Are you ░░░░░░░░ about that No Alabama ░░░░░░░░ quite a place But ░░░░░░░░ can t take that ░░░░░░░░ It s all lies ░░░░░░░░ m not that guy ░░░░░░░░ But it s hard ░░░░░░░░ convince people that you ░░░░░░░░ not into young girls ░░░░░░░░ you dress like woody ░░░░░░░░ toy story The left ░░░░░░░░ media loves to repeat ░░░░░░░░ sexual harassment stories There ░░░░░░░░ a new one every ░░░░░░░░ I know Even I ░░░░░░░░ about Louis C K ░░░░░░░░ I m only allowed ░░░░░░░░ listen to the TV ░░░░░░░░ this girl who accused ░░░░░░░░ was 14 years old ░░░░░░░░ You have got to ░░░░░░░░ the right thing here ░░░░░░░░ right Everyone thinks I ░░░░░░░░ it I ll marry ░░░░░░░░ No Roy no No ░░░░░░░░ I want you to ░░░░░░░░ stepping aside Don t ░░░░░░░░ of it as ending ░░░░░░░░ campaign Think of it ░░░░░░░░ going to conversion therapy ░░░░░░░░ turn yourself into someone ░░░░░░░░ is no longer a ░░░░░░░░ I mean come on ░░░░░░░░ do we have to ░░░░░░░░ it this way Can ░░░░░░░░ we just call the ░░░░░░░░ Sorry I m not ░░░░░░░░ to call Vladimir Putin ░░░░░░░░ this Laughter I can ░░░░░░░░ make you do anything ░░░░░░░░ but I want you ░░░░░░░░ think long and hard ░░░░░░░░ this I will give ░░░░░░░░ a couple minutes to ░░░░░░░░ Oh dang I m ░░░░░░░░ a good pickle about ░░░░░░░░ What am I going ░░░░░░░░ do Cheers and applause ░░░░░░░░ are drop out that ░░░░░░░░ what you re gonna ░░░░░░░░ What the Jeff Sessions ░░░░░░░░ are you doing here ░░░░░░░░ what I always do ░░░░░░░░ up nightmares for children ░░░░░░░░ s good I m ░░░░░░░░ because I have been ░░░░░░░░ to talk to you ░░░░░░░░ right Roy you have ░░░░░░░░ some controversial stuff You ░░░░░░░░ a gun around on ░░░░░░░░ You tell folks muslims ░░░░░░░░ t be allowed in ░░░░░░░░ Congress and that 9 ░░░░░░░░ was god s punishment ░░░░░░░░ sodomy I love it ░░░░░░░░ check a lot of ░░░░░░░░ for me Laughter Thank ░░░░░░░░ Jeff But this is ░░░░░░░░ bad I m usually ░░░░░░░░ creepiest one in the ░░░░░░░░ but I look at ░░░░░░░░ and I m like ░░░░░░░░ my god I got ░░░░░░░░ goose flesh They say ░░░░░░░░ are even admitted to ░░░░░░░░ with a couple of ░░░░░░░░ year olds Come on ░░░░░░░░ you know I was ░░░░░░░░ kidding That s a ░░░░░░░░ No Kidding is the ░░░░░░░░ I use for dating ░░░░░░░░ ladies Oh god All ░░░░░░░░ Get on out here ░░░░░░░░ am Alabama Mr Moore ░░░░░░░░ you are too much ░░░░░░░░ all right Get out ░░░░░░░░ on Louvre me to ░░░░░░░░ gerrymandering Oh Papa I ░░░░░░░░ some advice Papa what ░░░░░░░░ going on I want ░░░░░░░░ be happy again I ░░░░░░░░ to go back to ░░░░░░░░ Senate daddy I ll ░░░░░░░░ good I ll talk ░░░░░░░░ kamela Harris I promise ░░░░░░░░ there are so many ░░░░░░░░ out there actsing like ░░░░░░░░ Harvey Weinstein Kevin spacey ░░░░░░░░ president Laughter Daddy has ░░░░░░░░ been going on forever ░░░░░░░░ I benefitted from a ░░░░░░░░ of oppression No That ░░░░░░░░ good news Daddy Live ░░░░░░░░ New York it s ░░░░░░░░ night!