COLBERT: "Well now, Pope Moonbeam over here has driven his welcome wagon where no pope has gone before because at mass on Monday. The pontiff said 'If for example tomorrow, an expedition of martians came and some of them came to us here, Martians, right, green, the long ears and big nose and one says -- but I want to be baptized. What would happen? When the Lord shows us the way, who are we to say -- No, Lord, it's not-- no let's do it this way. Who are we to close doors?' You heard that right, folks. Pope Francis would baptize a Martian."