Stewart: We Care About Crimea Because Russia Makes Us Look Weak

Stewart: We Care About Crimea Because Russia Makes Us Look Weak (Mediaite)

Jon Stewart opened Tuesday night’s Daily Show by trying to answer an important question that has been vexing cable news: Is Crimea lost? “Where is Crimea?” he asked. It’s all gone! It’s gone. Crimea. Oh, Crimea, we hardly knew ye.”

But if Americans know nothing about Crimea then why do we care so much that it’s gone? “We care about Crimea and the Crimeans because Russia taking it over makes us look weak,” Stewart explained. “As you know we have a foreign policy that is focused primarily on comparative penis size. If Putin is going to walk in there and add Crimea to the tip of Russia’s dick, look out Moldova, we’re coming for you.”