Colbert Trashes TSA’s New App Costing $1.4 Million: A Coin Could Do Its Function

COLBERT: "I'd like to cash a check, please." "I'm sorry, senor, the money is sleeping." By the way, if you're planning a trip to Spain this summer, if you're doing some traveling, please be kind to our friends in the T.S.A. They've got a hard job to do and provide a crucial service. Before the T.S.A., the only place someone would brush their knuckles across my junk was every subway car in New York. Am I supposed to tip you? I'm not sure what the tradition is here. And some interesting news was just revealed about T.S.A. Technology. At some checkpoints, passengers are selected for screening by one of the T.S.A. Folks tapping an iPad like this which randomly generates an arrow that tells passengers to go in the left line or the right line. Left or right. Well, it was revealed yesterday that that app cost $1.4 million, yes, and, naturally people are upset about that. So right now I want to help by offering the T.S.A. An exclusive contract with me to supply a much cheaper, advanced random binary choice generator, the Flipomatic 5400. I have one with me right now. T.S.A., the Flipomatic could be yours for the low, low, price of $1.3 million. The Flipomatic comes pre-programmed to have two sides, only one of which can be up at a time. This technology is already in use by the N.F.L. They are highly portable, durable, and there are 50 different designs, one for each state the T.S.A. operates in. And it's not just for random number generation. And they are dual use. In addition to randomly computing left or right, you can also use them on scratch off lottery tickets, which you might need given how much money you've blown on that app. Let's try it out. Tonight we have... Oh, a good show for you. Wasn't sure. We don't know. That's the Flipomatic talking -- "