Colbert: Closing the Spending Bill Is Like ‘Texting Your Friend You’re Two Minutes Away When You Haven’t Left Your House Yet’

‘We will stay on this story, as there continues not to be one’

RUSH EXCERPT:

COLBERT: “We will stay on this story, as there continues not to be one. Now, crucially, the spending bill’s almost existence is close to being semi-confirmed by speaker Nancy Pelosi, who told reporters that the Democrats are “pretty much there” on the social spending bill. That’s some real “Texting your friends “2 mins away” when you haven’t left your house yet energy. I’m right around the corner. Go ahead and order some paid family leave for the table. No... that’s not the sound of my shower running. How could you hear my shower when I’m texting?"”

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