Stewart to Sen. Cruz: Your Response to SOTU Shouldn’t Look Like a Ransom Video

STEWART: "Inspiring basketball melting pot anecdote delivered. Those were the two Tea Party responses and we're done. So that's --
[video]
FOX NEWS: "Rand Paul is giving on his own YouTube channel a response."
PAUL: "Liberal elites fly over my small town but they don't understand us. They simply seek to impose their will upon us."
[end video]
STEWART: "Liberal elites? You're a doctor and a senator with a 12-term congressman father and a first name synonymous with a Russian novelist? That's pretty [bleep] elite. So I guess the smear here is liberal, fine, we got the response to the Tea Party response to the Tea Party response. I assume that's all."
[video]
CNN [video]: "A response from another potential presidential candidate Ted Cruz."
STEWART: "How many [bleep] people are at this Tea Party? And what did this guy put on his feet when it rained?
CRUZ [video]: "Median incomes have stagnated for over a decade. Meh -- Let me start over."
STEWART: "Here's a tip. If are you looking to run for president, maybe you shouldn't make your response to the State of the Union look like a ransom video. Or the part of the porno everybody fast towards through. Senator Cruz, I present to you this year's imploding. I would let you give an acceptance speech but nah."