Stewart Praises McCain: The Straight Talk Express Just Pulled into Town

STEWART: “I don’t have the words anymore. I wish I had an eloquence that I could express.”
McCAIN [Video]: “Our enemies act without conscience. We must not.”
STEWART: “Oh, my god. Uncle Johnny. Is that you? I’ve missed you so much. Did the straight talk express just pull into truth town?”
McCAIN [Video]: “The committee’s report makes clear that acting without conscience isn’t necessary. It isn’t helpful, practices that I believe not only failed their purpose to secure actionable intelligence to prevent further attacks on the U.S. And our allies, but actually damaged our security interests.
STEWART: “(Bleep). I forgot how (bleep) good McCain makes me feel when I haven’t had any for a while! Oh, man! Oh! Come on, good McCain! Give me another hit, brother!
McCAIN [Video]: “In the end, torture’s failure to serve its intended purpose isn’t the main reason to oppose its use. It’s about us. It’s about who we were, who we are, and who we aspire to be. It’s about how we represent ourselves to the world.”
STEWART: “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again, like laser disks or MySpace, but you’re back. Don’t ever leave me again. Take us home, senator.”
McCAIN [Video]: “The truth is sometimes a hard pill to swallow. But the American people are entitled to it. We need only remember when facing cruelty, suffering, and loss, that we are always Americans. Different, stronger, and better than those who would destroy us.”
STEWART: “Whooo! Hooza! Hooza! You know, I should probably be depressed that someone in the government deserves massive applause for saying we shouldn’t torture people and we should find out about it but I’m still so happy someone actually said it— John McCain, forever!”