Colbert: Grandparents Are Included in Trump’s Travel Ban Bec. They Constantly Launch Cyberattacks

‘No surprise, son-in-laws are allowed in’

RUSH TRANSCRIPT:
COLBERT: "I have a personal question, is everyone here tonight in the country? ... Good, because Trump's travel ban took effect tonight. I understand. Because the Supreme Court okayed partial implementation of the ban and will revisit the full ban when it hears oral arguments in October. Which will be followed by oral arguments with your family at Thanksgiving. The decision allows in travelers from the six affected countries if they have "A bonafide relationship with a person or entity in the United States." Yes, it has to be a "Bonafide" relationship with a foreigner, so that will exclude your imaginary Canadian girlfriend and the totally hot guy you "Made out with" in France. But a diplomatic cable obtained by the "New York Times" spelled out some bonafide relationships, including "A parent, including parent-in-law, spouse, child, adult son or daughter, son-in-law, daughter-in-law, sibling, whether whole or half. This includes step relationships." No surprise, son-in-laws are allowed in. Trump is sending his to every country on Earth. But the cable also defined what aren't bonafide relationships, ruling out "Aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, cousins, brothers-in-laws and sisters-in-law, fiancees and any other 'extended' family members," even "Grandparents." Of course, grandparents are extremely suspicious. With their headscarves, and their neck scarves, and really just scarves all over-- they're always cold. And they're constantly launching cyber attacks, by sending emails with subjects like "Forward, forward, forward: 20 hilarious ways your cat is better than a husband."

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